His eyes widen a fraction, and he tries to hide his response byrolling them instead. Except it’s too late. He looked like a teenager who’d just been caught with a beer. That look that says you know you’re not allowed to have it, but you desperately want it anyway.
“Oh, please,” he says. Hemightget away with the whole ‘unaffected’ look he’s going for, but he forgets that I still know him better than anyone…maybe even himself…and the way his left eyelid is twitching tells me I’m right.
And as fucked as it is, knowing Hanlon thinks I’m attractive is more of a confidence boost than anything any other man will say or do to me tonight.
“Okay,”Hanlon says as we find seats in the sunken area of the lounge. The place is designed to invite conversation and mingling, having more couches and loveseats than tables. “What’s your type? I need to know what to help you look for.”
Coffee tables and end tables litter the space, and well-dressed waiters and waitresses roam, constantly on the prowl to offer a new drink and remove empty glasses.
The volume of the music is low enough that conversation can easily be heard, but the background noise prevents any awkward silences from hanging in the air. Thankfully, it also covers the thrum of my heart as it thrashes against my ribcage.
Looking around, I see a lot of polished men in their stylish clothes, sipping martinis, casually placing their hands on each other…and then my eyes come to land on the man across from me.
Hanlon is leaning against the back of the couch, right ankle crossed over his left knee. He’s got his left arm draped along the back of the couch while he holds his beer in his other hand, a total picture of comfort in this space. His coat is draped over thecouch behind him, and his current position is pulling his button-down tightly across his pecs. His top two buttons are undone, and I’m undeniably curious about how the skin there tastes.
Swallowing hard, I try to shake my head to clear it of those thoughts when a man approaches Hanlon and takes a seat next to him without even casting a glance in my direction.
“I apologize for being forward, but since it’s singles’ night, I guess that’s kind of the point,” he says with a shy smile. “Can I buy you a drink?”
I’m instantly ready to lash out—becausewhat the fuck, man?— but Hanlon smiles and nods his head toward me.
“I appreciate the offer very much, but tonight’s about my…”Don’t say it. Please don’t say it. Let me pretend for a night,“brother,” he finishes, making me wince.
The man nods, says something I can’t hear over the ringing in my ears, and leaves.
“I don’t think this is the place for me,” I say abruptly.
“We’ve been here ten minutes!” Hanlon says with a laugh. “Now come on, tell me what you’re into. No shame. No judgment.”
“I don’t know,” I confess with annoyance because I can’t say what I want to say.
I can’t tell him the truth that grows brighter and clearer every day.
Hanlon leans forward on the couch, propping his elbows on his knees, and lowers his voice.
“Well, when you watch porn, do you like the bigger guys or the smaller ones?”
Forget shades of red, I’m certain my skin is so flushed it’s purple at this point.
“Jesus, Han, I don’t know.”
“Youdoknow; you’re just embarrassed to say it out loud. And that’s okay. I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for, but Stone, you’ve gotta givesomeonea try at some point in order to know what you like.”
The irony ofHanloncoachingme—especially about this—slaps me in the face. I want to be good at this because I don’t want to be alone forever.
Blowing out a breath, I commit to the help he’s offering. Maybe if I follow his advice, I can actually become attracted to someone other than him. Then we all win.
“Just, like, a normal guy, I guess,” I tell Hanlon. “I feel like maybe bears and twinks are opposite ends of the spectrum, and I’m not really drawn to either. I’m just kind of like, in the middle, maybe?” I trip over my words, careful not to saysomeone like you.
“Okay, I can work with that. Not that looks are everything, but do you like facial hair or clean-cut guys?”
Immediately, I drop my eyes from his.
“Uh, either.” Fuck, this is awkward.
“Come sit over here next to me so we can watch the crowd together,” he commands.
“Hanlon, I—” but I don’t get a chance to finish before he grabs my wrist and yanks so hard, I go flying out of my chair and directly into him. Miraculously, he manages not to spill his drink as I slam into his chest.
