“I was asked to join the coaching staff of Patterson Performance’s co-ed Winter Classic Team.”
Sam laughs. “That sounds exciting, but you’ll have to elaborate.You forget I skied as a hobby, not because it was some great passion of mine.”
Those words twist the knife of guilt lodged in my gut even deeper.
Reading my expression correctly—again—Sam sighs. “Connor, I’m going to kick you out if you don’t wipe that look off your face.”
He’d do it, too. He’s done it before. His one condition for my visits has always been that he doesn’t want my pity.
Schooling my features, I continue with my predicament.
“Okay, so the Winter Classic is a major professional snowboarding event. It hosts teams from all over the world; members of the Olympic committee will be there, and it’s a really big deal. I was brought in to help coach the athletes competing in parallel slalom and snowboard cross.” My nerves get the best of me as I talk, and my palms are so sweaty I have to set my mug down so I can wipe them on my jeans.
“Sounds like a great opportunity,” Sam says.
“It is,” I confirm.
“But to my knowledge, and despite my best prodding, you still haven’t been on a board, have you?” I shake my head. “What’s it going to take, Connor?”
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“Have you talked to a therapist?” he asks.
“I can’t?—”
“Oh, fuck the NDA!” Sam shouts, surprising me. “You’re allowed to seek help. Your sessions would be protected under doctor/patient confidentiality laws anyway. I love catching up with you, but we both know I’m no therapist. I’m a marketing director. I live in a world of numbers, A/B testing, and analytical market research. When it comes to feelings and trauma, I know about as much as you do, probably less, actually.”Softening his voice, he adds, “It’s been five years, son. You need to move on.”
I can’t help the tears that sting the corners of my eyes as I nod my head. I know he’s right, butgodfuckingdammit!Howdo I move on?
In true Sam fashion, he’s said what he needed to say, so he switches gears. “Now, tell me more about this job. Are the athletes all hotshots like you were?”
I think about Vox and nod, a smile forming at the phrase Sam chose.
“One in particular is going to give me a run for my money.”
Sam laughs, and the sound warms my heart.
“Well, I’ll have to start paying more attention. What’s their name?”
“Vox Montgomery.” As his name passes my lips, I feel relief just from being able to say it out loud.
“Vox? That’s an unusual name,” Sam points out.
“Yeah. Not sure where it came from. Guy’s a total menace, and he boards like the chip on his shoulder is pushing him down the mountain. He’s talented as hell, but I worry about him. What he lacks in control, he makes up for in arrogance, and that has the potential to be deadly.”
“Then it’s a good thing they brought you on to coach him.”
I lift my gaze to look at Sam—apparently, I find this now-empty teacup fascinating.
“Why does everyone seem to think I’m the best option for this guy? He doesn’t even like me, and I’ve already managed to fuck up with him.”
Vox’s words ring in my ears—I’m not surprised that day meant a lot more to me than it did to you—as Sam’s voice brings me back to the present.
“You know I’ve watched all of your performances, Connor. Several times. Early on, I was practicallybeggingthe universeto give me some evidence of your recklessness. But it couldn’t because there was none. No one has ever had more control over their snowboard than you. It was an extension of your body. It moved on your command as easily as your hand reaching forward to hold that cup. The connection between your brain and board was one you didn’t even have to think about.” He lowers his voice and covers my hand with his. “Which is how I know there was absolutely nothing that could have been done to avoid our collision that night.”
Sam rarely mentions the accident. He came to terms with the outcome a long time ago. I’m the one still struggling with it.
Leaving him paralyzed from the waist down wrecked me. This kind, compassionate man was just out enjoying an evening with his wife on the slopes, and I ruined everything and turned it into the most traumatic night of his life.
