But I don’t know why.
Chapter 15
Damon
“Maybe this is a lost cause. Should we just throw in the towel?” I ask, pulling up next to Liam after biting it on an intermediate slope—twice—because I can’t concentrate. I’ve been unable to pull myself out of this terrible funk ever since coming out to Liam, and there’s a constant blanket of tension surrounding us because he knows I’m still hiding something, but I really can’t tell him what this time.
I just fucking can’t.
But you’re losing him anyway, my unhelpful brain chides.
“Throw in the towel onwhat?” he snaps, finally losing his patience with me. “Our entire friendship? Jesus, Damon. What iswrong with you?I’m just trying to process all the shit you’re throwing at me. Meanwhile, I can’t shake the feeling that you’re still hiding something, and instead of just talking to me like we’ve done our whole lives, you want to end our trip seven days early, and not see each other again formonths? That’s not going to fucking work for me.”
I stare at him wide-eyed…and a little impressed.
But I also feel like shit for driving him to this point because Liam isn’t a yeller.
“Look,” he says, pushing his goggles up onto his helmet as we stand off to the side of the slope by the lift. “I don’t know what’s going on, and quite frankly, I no longer care. If you don’t want to tell me, fine. But can you accept that it isn’t me causing this rift between us and try to trust me? I mean, I think I’ve handled the rest of the news pretty well.” Liam makes a face like he’s unsure and adds, “Except for maybe my binger, but after that, I’ve done pretty well.”
I rock forward, putting my weight on my poles. “Yeah, Li, I’ll get it together,” I promise, hoping like hell I can deliver.
He grins, and although I know it’s forced,he’sat least trying, which is more than I can say.
“Good, because the time trials for the Winter Classic Games are this afternoon, and I want to watch them, and then I want to get a beer and a hot chick,” he pauses, holding up his hands, “or, you know, a dude for you, and see where the night takes us.”
I choke on my spit at his amended sentence and the way he just threw it out there. Christ, what a mess.
But I can give him this,I think to myself.
He’s been excited about these time trials since he saw the flyer when we first got here, and it’s not like I can prevent him from ever hooking up with someone again, so I might as well get used to it.
“Yeah, Li. That sounds good.”
We spend the rest of the day giving normalcy a good effort.
On one of the rides up the lift, Liam nudges my shoulder carefully, so as not to rock the chair precariously suspended thirty feet in the air. They really are the worst part of these places.
“I want to take a picture,” he announces.
“So, take it,” I tell him, keeping my eyes firmly closed. “My goggles are tinted. You won’t even notice.” I don’t do heights.
His gloved fist double-taps my leg, and he leans in.
“The tree line is to our left, and the slope isn’t that far down in this section. Look toward the trees, and I’ll do the rest,” he instructs.
Okay, Li wants a picture; he’s getting a picture, dammit.
I turn my head to the left, still keeping my eyes closed. Suddenly, I feel Liam press into my back. I can tell one arm snakes over my left shoulder, and I know he must have his phone in that hand because he’s left-handed, but I feel something brush against my right side a second later.
“Okay, open your eyes, D,” he whispers in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.
When I do as he says, a genuine smile pulls at the corners of my lips. Liam has his jacket unzipped and is using his right arm like a bat wing to prevent any chance I have of accidentally seeing the slope below us.
With his left arm fully extended around the back of the lift and across my other side, he snaps the photo, his cheek against mine.
I lean into him, accepting that he and I may only ever be best friends, but I’m the luckiest sonofabitch because of it.
I’m angry with myself for wasting time and not just telling him. If anything, he looks at me more deeply now, like he’s really seeing me for the first time. In turn, I finally have the chance to embrace who Ireally am.
