Matteo bit his tongue to keep from telling Jenny to stay away from Steve. He didn’t want to be that kind of father. In the days that followed the accident, he wondered nonstop: if he’d said something, if he’d forbidden Jenny from seeing Steve, would Jenny still be alive? Or would Jenny have just done what teenage girls were meant to do and ignore their parents?
Steve was driving when the accident happened. The cops said they were going 110 miles per hour, which Matteo couldn’t help but compare to his own record of 125. Midwesterners and wide, open highways—it was a classic case.
It was also the single-worst moment of Matteo’s life.
To make matters worse, Matteo and Piper didn’t learn about the accident till more than two hours after it happened. Matteo was in meetings all evening without his phone, and Piper had forgotten hers at the gym. When they learned the news, they met to identify the body together.
They had to identify the body of their daughter: the girl they’d brought into the world, the girl they loved more than life itself. In the parking lot, they sat in disbelief, their hearts breaking. They hugged one another, but there was a sense of unreality in one another’s embrace.
They never kissed or touched one another romantically again.
Death.Matteo had come to New England to escape death, but he now saw how stupid that was. Death was the only permanent thing. It was everywhere. It affected everyone.
The difference between him and Helena was that she was going to die sooner rather than later. How soon, he didn’t know. He hadn’t asked, and she hadn’t told him.
He didn’t know what to do about his broken heart.
That evening, when Helena still hadn’t called, and Matteo hadn’t dared to contact her, he walked the three blocks from his place to a diner where he ordered a burger and a milkshake and alternated between taking small bites and staring at his hands. He’d thought getting out of the house would help him think. He’d thought it would contextualize things. Instead, he thought more about Jenny than he had in a long time, about loss, and about what that loss had done to his soul.
Helena flitted in and out of his mind. He couldn’t believe he’d put so many of his hopes and dreams upon her. He realized now that that was sort of unfair. But he hadn’t known she was dying!
The server, one he’d gotten friendly with over the past few years, came by to check on him. “You doing okay?”
Matteo raised his chin and looked at the server. Her name was Kathy, and she was a little bit older than he was, divorced as he was, but with three children whom he sometimes saw eating at the restaurant. He could see from the way she looked at him that she liked him, or thought he was handsome, or liked that he came in and sat by himself looking sad.
“I don’t know,” he answered finally. “Is anyone okay?”
Kathy smiled. “You’re preaching to the choir about that one.”
Matteo raised a french fry and nibbled on the end. Kathy glanced around, then asked if she could sit at his booth for a while. There weren’t any other customers just then, and, she said, her feet were killing her. “I’m working a double shift,” she said.
Matteo was grateful for the company. He passed his food over, but she waved her hand away.
“I can’t eat that stuff anymore,” she said. “It makes me sick.”
Matteo understood.
Kathy sighed. “Tell me. What’s on your mind? Is it girl trouble?”
Matteo laughed, despite himself. “I wish it were so simple.”
“Try me. I’ll be the voice of reason. I’ll be objective,” Kathy said.
“Maybe I need an outside perspective,” he said. “I started dating someone. You’re right. She lives on Nantucket, and she’s an artist, and we met in this really crazy way. It’s hard to explain, but basically, I sailed up onto her property and immediately put my foot through a slab of glass.”
“I knew you were a source of drama,” Kathy teased him.
“She rushed me to the hospital, but then promptly pushed me out of her life when it was clear there was something between us. I couldn’t get her out of my head. I’m a romantic guy, I guess. Or I always thought I was. I left flowers on her dock, and she eventually called me back. We’ve been seeing each other for a little more than a month. I haven’t felt this way in decades, honestly. I finally stayed the night at her place, and sort of by chance, I found out she’s been keeping something pretty big from me.”
Matteo’s hands shook as he sipped his water.
“What a cliffhanger,” Kathy said.
“Sorry.” Matteo laughed, then quieted immediately to say, “She’s dying.”
Kathy leaned back in the booth, crossing her arms. “Shoot.”
Matteo nodded. The air in the room crystallized. “I don’t know what to do. We didn’t talk about it. She asked me to leave.”
