“A fellow intern,” he repeats breathlessly, shaking his head as he paces back and forth in front of me, as though I’m not even there and he’s talking to himself. “That’s what you thought I saw you as. Just a fellow intern.”
“Ryan,” I begin, baffled by his agitated behavior, “what’s—”
“I was crazy about you,” he interrupts, his eyes flashing at me as he stops short.
My breath catches in my throat.
“I wascrazy about you,” he emphasizes again, loudly and urgently, as though he can’t hold it in any longer. “I told you. Right from the moment we met, I was—” He throws his hands up, flustered as he searches for the right words. He sighs, lowering his voice. “That weekend eleven years ago, what happened between us, it was what I’d been waiting for that whole summer. I was such an idiot to lie to you, Harper. But I wanted you so badly and I knew that you wouldn’t go for that drink with me… not if you knew I had the job.”
He pauses, eyes closing, as if the memory pains him. “God, it was so shit. I tried to explain it to you the day you left, but you didn’t want to hear it. You have no idea what it was like without you in that office once you’d left. I couldn’t bear the idea that you were out there, hating me. I kept trying to call and message you—”
“I blocked you,” I whisper.
“I knew that.” He looks dejected. “I knew how much I’d fucked up. I’d lost the only person I’d ever really…”
I wait for him to finish his sentence, but he doesn’t, his eyes moving back to the framed article on the wall. He looks lost for a moment.
“You’d ever really what?” I prompt gently.
He sighs, but doesn’t say anything.
I can’t help myself. I reach out and brush my fingers against his so that he’ll look at me again, and when he does, his forehead creases and his eyes search mine.
Ever so slightly, I tilt my head up toward his.
It’s the permission he needs.
His fingers sweep softly along my cheekbone before cupping my face as he moves to close the gap between us, bowing his head, his eyelashes lowering as his nose softly nudges the side of mine. My lips part and as he brushes his lips against mine, I close my eyes, my hands reaching round the back of his neck as his slide down to my waist, pulling me closer to him. He presses his mouth to mine, soft and tentative at first as though to savor it, but I kiss him back harder, and he immediately reciprocates, deepening the kiss, moving me back against the wall. I inhale sharply as he moves his mouth to my neck, running his lips down to my collarbone, his warm hands finding their way beneath the fabric of my top, warm against my bare skin. I don’t want him to stop. I don’t wantthisto stop.
But the tiniest niggle at the back of my brain makes me reach down and wrap my fingers around his wrists.
“We can’t,” I hear myself whispering.
“Harper,” he growls, his warm breath tickling my neck.
“I can’t,” I say, firmer this time. “I have a boyfriend.”
Ryan exhales shakily and then abruptly pulls away, leaving me flat against the wall and feeling suddenly vulnerable. I crossmy arms, watching as he turns from me. He goes to the table by the sofa, where the two glasses of wine have been left untouched. He picks one up and swigs from it before daring to look at me.
“You want to be with him,” he states coldly.
“No!” I exclaim, my eyes widening in horror at him mistaking my meaning. “No, but cheating isn’t my style. I’m pretty sure it isn’t yours, either. I need to go see him and… talk.”
Ryan shakes his head. “Please don’t go to him tonight, Harper.”
“I have to. This isn’t fair.”
He doesn’t say anything, his jaw clenching, and after a moment he takes another large gulp of wine. My head spinning from the whirlwind of tonight, I go to pick up my bag.
“Let me sort everything with him and then…”
“And then?” he asks, as I falter.
“Then we’ll go from there,” is all I can think of to say.
He gives a sharp nod, his lips pressing together into a thin line until they’ve all but disappeared. I walk over to him and reach up to give him a kiss on the cheek. I linger there and he angles his face toward mine as though daring me to make a move.
While I still have any willpower left, I break away from him and walk over to his door, opening it and stepping out into the evening air without looking back.
