Then the guilt sets in: Liam. I didn’t even text him good night after climbing into bed. I haven’t spoken to him all day and he’s myboyfriend.We didn’t make plans for the evening—I wasn’t sure what time I’d be back in London from the interview, and I didn’t want him hanging around waiting—but I probably should have at least messaged to say I was staying in Manchester until tomorrow. I feel like a terrible person until I consider that he hasn’t messaged me all day, either. In fact, he never replied after I said he couldn’t come on my work trip to Florence, which seems a little odd. But it’s still no excuse for fantasizing aboutanother guy—and not just any guy, but someone I work with. Someone I have history with. It’s not fair to Liam.
I’m suddenly hit with anxiety at the idea of falling for Ryanagain. I can try with all my might to pretend that that I don’t have feelings for him, but I do. I know I do. Even though we fight all the time, even though he pisses me off to no end, even though we’re so different, I’m drawn to him.Again.Having a crush on a colleague is never a good idea, not to mention the fact you’d think I’d avoid making the same mistakes, but here I am, under the spell of those eyes eleven years down the line.
He seems different now, though,I tell myself. Maybe I can forgive him for what happened and move on. It’s a little embarrassing that I haven’t already.
I mean, he bought me honey for my tea.
Bad people don’t do that, do they?
God, I feelsickwhen I think about him asking Mae for her number tomorrow. I have no right to care about Ryan’s dating life! But I do, I do, I do.
And you know what doesn’t help the situation? That I’m wearing Ryan’s T-shirt. I clutch the material in my fingers like a teenager wearing their boyfriend’s hoodie at a house party.
He belongs to me.
But the truth is, he doesn’t. He never has.
The minute my alarm goes off in the morning, I send Liam a message asking how his day was yesterday and apologizing for being MIA. I explain that I had to stay in Manchester last minute and then ask if we can meet tonight for dinner.
We can have the talk then. I’m geared up for it, confident in my decision and only sorry to hurt Liam, who I’m worried will be caught off guard. When he sends a cheery reply back thathe can’t do tonight as he’s working on some things with Halo Skewed, I’m deflated and disappointed that I’ll have to wait any longer to break things off.
Grabbing the towel folded on top of the stool of the dressing table, I open my bedroom door at the same time as Ryan opens his. We both freeze. He’s only wearing his boxers, his broad shoulders, toned arms, and sculpted abs on full display.
Why is this guy in a job where he has to wear clothes?!
What a bloody waste.
I feel incensed on behalf of swimwear brands everywhere.
His hair ruffled from sleep, he blinks at me with tired eyes before his lips twist up into a dozy smile.
“Morning,” he says.
I try to say “Hi,” but his appearance has made my mouth incredibly dry, so it sort of comes out as some kind of croak, like that of a toad.
Sexy.
I quickly clear my throat. “Sorry, hi. Hello. Morning.”
“You use the bathroom first. I’ll go in after you.”
“No, you can use it first. I’m happy to wait.”
He gestures to the bathroom door. “I insist. Let me know if you have any trouble with working the shower. It’s pretty straightforward, though.”
“Great, thanks.”
He turns round to go back into his room, and I find myself admiring his back, his smooth muscled shoulders, the indent of his spine. As his door shuts, I give myself a shake and try to Get. A. Grip.
Once I’m ready, wearing my newly purchased red Zara shirt and the same tapered trousers I was wearing yesterday, I head downstairs, where Sully jumps up all over me and Fredrik greets me so jovially I can’t help but laugh, taken aback at how welcoming this house is. He desperately tries to get me to eat breakfast,and I have to repeat several times that I’m really just a coffee person in the mornings. When it’s time to go, I crouch down on the floor to say goodbye to Sully and promptly receive a scolding from Emily that I’m going to get hair all over my trousers. Before Ryan and I head out the door to the car, Fredrik hugs me and tells me to look after myself.
“I hope we’ll see you again soon,” Emily says as she gives me a kiss on the cheek, and something about her voice makes me think she really does mean it.
But maybe that’s just twisted wishful thinking this morning, because I’m still affected from wearing Ryan’s T-shirt and seeing him topless?
As we drive to the set, I sit nervously in the passenger seat, trying my best to act normally, but irrationally terrified that Ryan can read my mind. He seems fine, pointing out things about Manchester that might interest me and wondering aloud what time we’ll get to speak to Max this morning.
“I’ve also been thinking—do you want to come back with me afterward?”
