“Because I was miserable,” she says with a shrug, her eyes brightening. “And I’m so much happier now. I mean, I’m nothappyas such. I’m still working out what I want to do. But I hated my job. I hated the pressure and the stress and the fact that I worked all hours of the day but didn’t get any fulfillment. When I told Mum and Dad that I’d been offered partner, they kept saying this was what I’d been working for—that’s when it hit me. I’d got to where I wanted to be and I was even more miserable than before. So I turned down the firm’s offer and quit.”
I don’t know what to say. I’m stunned into silence.
“Oh, and I broke up with Harry weeks ago,” she adds before taking a sip of her tea. “I’ve been too scared to tell Mum because I know she adored him, but I told them that at the dinner, too, after you left. Harry is a great guy for someone else, but not for me. I think he was a bit relieved when I called it off, to be honest.”
“Juliet,” I say, my brain scrambling for words, “this is a lot of information to process.”
“I know. You’re taking it a lot better than Mum and Dad. They weren’t very happy.”
I grimace at the thought. “I can imagine.”
“Dad said I was obviously confused and had had a little blip, but that he was sure the firm would take me back if I explained.” She sighs. “I told him I wasn’t ever going back and he threw his napkin down on the table in protest.”
“Scandalous.”
She hesitates, adding quietly, “Mum couldn’t even look at me. She said she hoped I knew that I was sabotaging my life. I left after that.”
I stare at her, impressed. “Have you heard from them since?”
“Dad has left a few voicemails that have covered a range of emotions. In some, he’s attempted to be understanding, saying he knows the pressure of the job can be a lot, but that he’s certain I can find my way through and get back on track. Others have been full of yelling.” She lets out a heavy sigh. “I’m going to give it some time before I respond.”
“That’s a good idea. Let the dust settle.”
“I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you,” she says, looking pained and shaking her head. “Dealing with them all this time.”
“I’m used to their disappointment,” I assure her with a shrug.
“I’ve resented them for a long time,” she admits, bringing her eyes up to look at me again. “Therapy has helped me realize that. I’ve been so focused on pleasing them and living up to theirexpectations that I forgot what it was like to make myself happy. I got used to shutting myself off from any feelings of joy. All I focused on was maintaining their approval. Along the way I lost myself. And I lost you, too.”
I hesitate. “Yeah, well, we’ve never been on the same page.”
“I want that to change,” she says fiercely. “I know that I’ve been a terrible sister to you, Harper, and I know that we’re different. But I would like to repair whatever relationship we’re able to salvage. Or build a completely new one. It’s a lot to ask and I know you… you might not be interested, but it’s important that you know how much I want to make things better between us. You don’t have to decide now. You can take your time. But that’s the main reason I’m here today.”
She’s looking at me so earnestly that I feel overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions. I’ve been so angry at her for so long and felt so distant from her that the idea of finding common ground when we’re in our thirties seems delusional and futile. But I also find myself grappling with feelings of compassion toward her. Maybe, for the first time ever, I understand her a little better.
“I had no idea that you were unhappy,” I say eventually. “I thought you had the perfect life.”
Her expression clouds over. “Trust me, I didn’t. I don’t. Looks can be deceiving.”
“But why do you want to build a relationship with me now, when you’ve never wanted to before? You didn’t even notice me before now.”
“That’s not true,” she says firmly. “Yes, I’ve been wrapped up in my own life, but the thing is, Harper, I’ve always been envious of you.”
“Envious of me?”
She nods, frowning. “You had the guts to stand up to Mum and Dad and tell them who you are and what you wanted. I had no idea who I was, really. I was so jealous of the freedom youcreated for yourself. And then being around you only amplified the guilt I felt over letting Mom and Dad be so horrible to you while allowing them to fawn all over me. I was too scared to let them down because then… then they’d treat me…”
“The same way they treated me,” I conclude for her.
She nods, her eyes welling up. “Exactly. I’ve been so cowardly. I’m sorry, Harper.”
I press my lips together, blinking back tears.
“What you said at dinner, you were right. They are bullies, and I’ve enabled them,” she continues. “I want to thank you, because it’s you who finally helped me find the courage to be honest with them. For the first time. And I don’t know if they’ll ever get over it, but I do feel much better now they know the truth. It’s like a weight has been lifted and I can finally move forward. So even if you decide that you don’t want me in your life, I’m always going to be grateful to you for that, Harper.”
We fall into silence. I consider what she’s said and try to work out where to go from here.
“I’m proud of you,” I say finally, surprising myself but meaning it.
