“He’s probably thinking about you naked now.”
“Ruby!”
“I’m joking,” she laughs, breaking apart her chopsticks. “Sort of. Anyway, are you ready to strip down to your birthday suit and run around the hotel?”
“No, I am not ready to do that. I can’t believe you got me to agree to this stupid task.”
“Don’t blame us,” Leo says. “Blame the Spice Girls.”
“Do I really have to do this?”
“You signed a contract, Freya,” Ruby says in a serious, professional tone.
“I didn’t sign anything.”
“You committed verbally and you’re sitting in front of the two witnesses,” she tells me. “Think about how good you’ll feel after. You were the one saying that you hated the implication that you’re sensible and… what was the expression you really didn’t like?”
I chew on my gyoza in dismay. “Sturdy. A sturdy character.”
“Right.” She shrugs. “No one who runs down a hotel corridor naked could be considered a sturdy character.”
I sigh heavily, reaching for my drink. As much as I don’t want to do this franklyabsurdtask, Ruby does have a point. It would help me prove to myself that I’m not the boring loser that Matthew made me feel like at Cali’s wedding.
Not that I felt like a loser when I was kissing Gabriel, that’s for sure. Which, when I think about it, was because of the Wedding Season survival guide. Maybe these tasks are helping.
“I suppose I signed a verbal contract,” I say, giving in.
“Good lass.” Ruby beams at Leo triumphantly. “I can’t wait to hear about this one. You are going to feel so free afterward. I love being naked. Speaking of naked, how are you feeling about Gabriel?”
“What do you mean?”
“Was it weird kissing someone else? Getting back out there? All that sort of stuff,” she explains with a shrug.
I take a moment to think about her questions. “I actually don’t feel that weird about it. I guess it was strange kissing someone who wasn’t Matthew and I did feel a bit guilty about it the next morning, even though I knew I shouldn’t. But I definitely don’t regret it. It was a bit of fun.”
I don’t admit the odd thing that happened to me the other day. I was in the shower and I suddenly had an overwhelming panic about Matthew dating someone else. It hit me out of nowhere. I’ve been putting so much energy into focusing on myself and taking some time, but a thought flitted through my mind of Matthew being on a date with another woman and I immediately started crying.
I’ve wondered if it was a delayed reaction to the Gabriel kiss. Whether me being with someone else made the possibility of Matthew being with someone else all too real.
The good news is it didn’t make me want to die. The first few weeks after the breakup, the idea of Matthew meeting another woman made me feel crazy—a destructive mix of rage, betrayal, hurt, and disbelief would overwhelm me and I would sob at the thought. This time, I cried silently in the shower and let myself feel distraught for a bit, before washing my face, turning off the water, stepping out, drying myself, and getting on with my day.
That’s progress right there.
Ruby puts her chopsticks down. “How do you feel about… dates?”
“I don’t know. Kissing waiters at weddings is one thing, but dating is an entirely different ball game.” I laugh, shaking my head. “Now I know how Dad feels when Adrian and I interrogate him about dating. It’s very sweaty work being in the hot seat.”
“Just something to start getting your head round, that’s all,” she says.
“Let’s stick to me surviving the Wedding Season first.”
“Exactly,” Leo agrees, picking up his drink. “Who knows? Maybe once you’re through this summer, you’ll be ready to get back out there and into the dating game.”
The conversation moves on, but the dating chat lingers in my brain all evening until I’m at home in bed, trying to read but finding it impossible to concentrate. Dating. Dating. It seems alien to me. The whole idea of it. I feel terrified at the thought.
I couldn’t go on a date with someone who wasn’t Matthew. What if he realizes he made a mistake and wants to get back together? If I was dating someone else, he might think he’d blown it for good, and not bother to tell me he’d had a change of heart! So, it makes sense to stay single just in case. Until I’m absolutely certain we’re over.
Then again, he broke up with me the day before our wedding. He doesn’t love me anymore. Shouldn’t I want it to be over now, too? After all the terrible things he said?
