“Yeah, I know I’ve said this several times since that night, but I’d like to remind you both that we were drunk when we created the Wedding Season list,” I point out, opening my eyes andpeering over at Ruby, who is sitting up and watching me smugly. “And I think I was a bit overzealous in my hopes of rehabilitation into the dating world by now. I’m not sure I’m ready to kiss anyone else.”
“It doesn’t have to mean anything. Just a peck. Why not?” Ruby suggests with a cheeky smile. “We’re not in England anymore, Freya, we’re in France. This is the country of romance and adventure!”
“And cheese and wine, which I’m more excited about, to be honest.”
“Obviously the cheese and wine are the most important things, but you might as well throw in some romantic fun, too.”
“I don’t think I’m there.” I let out a sigh. “Matthew is going to be here, too. I can’t kiss anyone in front of him. It’s not fair.”
“Um.What?” Ruby gasps. “Leo, tell her how stupid that is.”
“Freya,” he says robotically, “that is stupid.”
“You see? Even Leo thinks that’s stupid!” Ruby exclaims, much to my amusement. “It is perfectly fair for you to enjoy yourself and not give two hoots about what Matthew thinks.”
“Maybe, but it’s not very me,” I conclude.
Ruby sighs in disappointment. The three of us fall into comfortable silence and stay there until I feel a tap on my shoulder and find Ruby holding out one of her earphones. With a knowing smile, I stand up and push my lounger up against hers, then lie back down and take the earphone, pressing it into my right ear while she plugs the other one into her left.
“Do you remember when we used to do this at uni in the library?” she asks, scrolling through her phone for an acceptable playlist.
I grin. “We were supposed to be revising for our exams and you’d distract me by shoulder-bopping to R and B. Oh god, and when you went through that indie rocker phase.”
“I loved that phase! I looked good in those checkered shirtsand all that eyeliner.” She hesitates, then adds quietly, “I’ll admit the blunt block fringe was a mistake for my face shape.”
I smile and shift to make myself comfortable on the lounger, closing my eyes, ready to doze in the sunshine. As I begin to drift off, perfectly content, a jarring memory flashes into my brain, despite my hopes to keep him at bay for today.
A couple of summers ago, Matthew and I were on holiday in Croatia. We were on the beach and I’d just been in the sea. I had come out of the water with a big smile on my face because it had been so fun and refreshing, and I made my way across the sand back to him, gearing up to tease him about not coming in. I’d tried waving to him from the sea and calling out to get his attention, but he’d been on his phone the whole time.
He didn’t look up when I reached him, shaking my towel out from my beach bag and wrapping it round me.
“You should have come in! It was lovely.”
“I got the job!” he replied excitedly, scrolling down his screen.
“What?”
“The promotion I applied for at work! I got it!”
I blinked at him. “Wait, what promotion?”
He looked up at me then, confused. “You know, Cate left and so I went for her role.”
“I didn’t know that Cate left. You never told me about this.”
“Oh.” He glanced back at his screen and shrugged. “I mean, it’s not that big a deal, it’s only an internal promotion. But still! We should go celebrate! Come on, grab your things. Senior Graphic Designer. Suits me, doesn’t it?”
I felt completely thrown by this information. I brushed it off, pulling my dress on over my wet swimsuit and pretending like I didn’t care that I was covered in salty seawater and my hair was straggled and dripping down my back, so we could go get a glass of bubbles straightaway to toast his success.
I smiled and congratulated him and loved that he wassuddenly in a much better mood than he had been that morning. He told me all about the promotion, filling in the details, and I nodded along, telling him how proud I was. I then pretended not to be humiliated when he video-called his mum and told her the good news, and it was obvious she’d known that he was applying for the promotion all along.
“Isn’t this wonderful, Freya?” Gail said, delighted. “I told him he should go for that interview! And to think he was so nervous beforehand. Well done, Matthew!”
“Absolutely.” I nodded with a fixed smile. “It’s great. Really great.”
The whole time, I wondered why he hadn’t told me. When I brought it up the next day, he said he thought he had, but anyway, what did it matter now? He got the job!
Lying in the sunshine now, I remember it viscerally. The hurt, the embarrassment. I don’t know whether he genuinely thought he had told me. With hindsight, it seems more likely that by then I had already begun to lose my position in his life as someone he wanted to share things with. If he’d forgotten to tell me something small, it wouldn’t matter. That happens in relationships, it’s usually not a red flag.
