I turn back to Ruby and Leo with a big smile on my face.
“Thank you,” I say, reaching for both their hands and giving them a squeeze.
Leo winks at me. “You go get him, tiger.”
“Seriously, Leo,” Ruby sighs, rolling her eyes. “Do you hear yourself sometimes?”
“Go enjoy your wedding,” I instruct, getting to my feet and encouraging them to do the same. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
As the happy couple head back to the dance floor, where they are greeted with whoops and cheering, I take a deep breath and spin round to seek out Jamie. He’s still standing where he was, this time much more at ease, leaning on one of the tent poles. He sees that I’m coming over and straightens to start walking to meet me in the middle, the two of us making our way through the crowd toward each other.
I feel unbelievably nervous, with all the signs of a gigantic crush. Heart thudding, butterflies fluttering, breath catching. I’m desperate to reach him, but also terrified of getting there.
As Ruby put it earlier, this feels like a big moment.
A memory flashes across my mind: my first date with Matthew. We’d swapped numbers at the audition and then had anawkward, small-talk, mildly flirtatious text exchange until he finally asked if I wanted to meet him for a drink. I remember Ruby being impressed that he’d suggested a nicer bar than the standard student ones we all congregated at. I remember Leo helping Ruby and me pick an outfit for me because we demanded a male opinion.
And I remember feeling just like this when I opened the door to the bar and saw him sitting on one of the stools. The nerves, the excitement, the anticipation of what might happen. It’s such a wonderful, torturous feeling, isn’t it? When you don’t know what’s ahead, but you’re excited for it anyway. Matthew’s face lit up when I walked in.
“I knew from the moment you walked in that bar,” he told me a couple of years after our first date when we were lying on our sides, facing each other in bed and sharing his pillow, our noses almost touching.
“That we would end up in a relationship?”
“Yes.” He grinned. “And I knew that I’d marry you someday.”
In that moment, I felt so deliriously happy because I knew that, too.
But I’m glad we were both wrong. I may not always be this calm and accepting when I think back on Me-and-Matthew, but beyond the inevitable waves of anger and sadness, I will always be grateful we had a story together.
Jamie and I stop abruptly in front of each other.
“You’re here,” I begin stupidly, trying to control the excitement in my voice.
“I was just passing after a trapeze class.”
“Right.”
He smiles down at me. “It’s nice to see you, Freya. You sort of ran away from me last time we met.”
“I didn’t run away.”
“You ran away.”
“I hurried off because I had something to get to.”
“Was that something, by any chance, YouTubing videos of corgi butts?”
“I’m going to kill Ruby.”
“It was actually Isabelle who mentioned that pastime of yours.”
“I’m going to kill Isabelle.”
“Why did you run away, Freya?”
I fold my arms across my chest, glancing around nervously to see we’re being watched intently by Ruby, Leo, Cali, Simone, and Dominic. They quickly pretend they’re not looking. (Dominic’s trousers now look like they have been secured, which is quite the achievement.)
“I panicked,” I admit with a shrug. “I told you Matthew was out of the picture and you didn’t seem… I thought that maybe… you weren’t interested and I’d made a fool of myself.”
