That’s when I almost lost it. There he is, the love of my life, standing in front of me. And it’s really hitting me that we’ve broken up and we’re not getting married, and all the emotion is threatening to bubble over.
I had scrunched up my face as hard as possible, desperate not to cry. Ruby was out of the car at this point because she could see I was suddenly struggling. She put her arm around me, shot him a dirty look, told himexactlywhat she thought of him—which made him wince, because he loves Ruby—and then she said we should head home.
And do you know what Matthew said?
He said, “You’ll be okay, babe.”
Ruby tensed. I froze. His words were hanging in the air and he knew he’d made a mistake on so many levels. The tone, the endearment—the whole sentence stabbed me like a knife through the heart.
You’ll be okay, babe. Are you kidding me?Are you kidding me?
It’s safe to say, I saw red.
I shook off Ruby’s arm from my shoulders, I strode right upto him, and, before he had a chance to apologize, I karate-kicked him right in the balls.
Yeah. It was bad. Also, I use the words “karate-kicked” loosely. I tried karate when I was a teenager and quite enjoyed it, but haven’t done it in years. My balance isn’t what it was, and I’m not really flexible or elegant enough to pull it off. Still the energy was all there.
He doubled over, gasping in pain. Ruby yelped in surprise and then burst into hysterical laughter, yelling, “Yes! Go Freya!”
I think Matthew’s mum must have been watching from the window, because she came frantically running out to his aid. As she flanked him, checking to see if he was all right, I cleared my throat.
“Sorry you had to see that, Gail,” I told her. “Hope you’ve got some ice.”
And then I turned on my heel and strode back to the car while Ruby cheered me on, like I was in some kind of film.
Of course, I regretted it as soon as we were home and the adrenaline had worn off. I was convinced I’d destroyed any hope of him coming back to me. No matter how many times Ruby said he deserved it, I didn’t believe her. If he had been in any doubt over losing me, a karate kick in the balls was hardly going to help my case.
I made a vow to leave Matthew alone now, no matter how unnatural and painful it was. He was right. We did need space. I just have to trust he’ll come back to me and, in the meantime, as Dad said, I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Dad thought the karate-kick-in-the-balls story was the best thing he’d ever heard. Leo agreed that Matthew absolutely deserved it, but I think he saw how upset I was over the whole thing. He told Ruby off for sneaking out without his advice.
Ruby’s told me she doesn’t regret it, but I can tell from the silence down the phone now at the mention of the incident that it’s still a point of contention in their household.
“Maybe Matthew has earned the right to Percy after I did that,” I admit reluctantly.
“What about what he did to you? He hasn’t earned the right to anything,” Ruby insists.
“Percy aside, how are you doing in the flat for the first time since… everything?” Leo asks. “Are you sure you don’t want us to come over?”
“I’m sure. Thanks, though.”
“I really wish we could be with you,” Ruby says seriously. “Just for the first night. Please, let us. It really wouldn’t be a problem.”
I smile into the phone. Ruby and I have had this discussion a hundred times over the past couple of days. She has, very sweetly, worked out a rota between her and Leo and my other two closest friends from university, Cali and Simone, to stay with me all week so that I won’t be alone in the flat once. I had to really fight my corner to tell her that I wanted to be alone for the first night.
The truth is, I don’t want anyone to witness any kind of meltdown. I can’t let them see me fall apart and I can’t promise that won’t happen tonight.
“You’re the best, Rubes, but please don’t worry,” I assure her once again. “I’ve done enough wallowing at Dad’s. Time to get back on track.”
“Okay, but it has only been a couple of weeks,” Ruby says gently.
“I know.” I glance at a picture of me and Matthew up on the wall. “I’m fine. Promise. I’ll call you if I’m not. I’m going to order some delicious takeaway, have a bath, you know. Look after myself.”
“Good. Call us straightaway if you need anything,” Leo says.
“I will.”
“And keep us updated on other things he took,” Ruby adds. “We can make a list and steal it back if necessary.”
