“WHAT? Oh, my God!” I look about me, wide-eyed in panic. “You’re joking, right?”
“Don’t worry! I checked and they’re on the other side of the lake. You’re doing brilliantly. Lady Meade is going to be so impressed! Right, all you need to do now is turn so that your back is to me and call out across the lake.”
“What do I call?” I ask, turning in the water.
“Repeat after me.” There’s a pause, and then I hear a loud “KAWWWWWWW!”
He can’t be serious.Kaw?
“Did you hear that?” he calls.
“Um. Yes. That’s really how you speak to swans?”
“Tried and tested! You get their attention, and once they’re in the vicinity, the call to communicate with them is much more sophisticated. But this is how you get them to come to you. Listen carefully.” There’s another pause. “KAWWWWWWWWW! Now, you try!”
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
This isn’t happening.
This can’t be happening.
Oh, God, I might as well. I’m in the bloody water, aren’t I?
“KAWWWWWWWWW!” I call, at the top of my lungs.
“Perfect! And again!”
“KAWWWWWWWWWW!” I yell, bizarrely finding the experience a little bit enjoyable. I start laughing. I can’t believe I’m doing this. It’s completely ridiculous! And, surprisingly, fun. “KAWWWWWWWWWWW!”
“I think I can see ripples in the water in the distance! I think they might be coming! You’re a natural!”
“KAWWWWWWWWWW! KAWWWWWWWW! KAWW—” I stop. My leg feels much colder than it did. Like really cold. And wet. Oh, no.
“The waders are leaking!” I yell.
I jump around in the water so fast that I splash myself in the face, but I’m too distracted to care because I’ve caught Jimmy off guard by spinning round to face him. He’s holding up his phone, the camera pointing at me. He guiltily drops his arm, holding the phone behind his back. “Are you… are you filming me?”
“No,” he says, his cheeks flushing furiously. “I—I—”
“Jimmy!” I yell, wading through the water toward him. “WERE YOU FILMING ALL THIS?”
“No! I just—uh—” He’s looking around him, not sure what to do.
“TELL ME THE TRUTH!”
“I’m sorry! She asked me to!”
And with that, he turns on his heel and runs away from the lake, disappearing from view.
“JIMMY!”
I finally make it to the edge and clamber out of the lake, undoing the waders and letting them drop to the ground. My clothes aresoaked.There must have been a hole in the waders.
“ARGH!” I scream, kicking them away from me and looking down in despair at my jeans. It looks like I’ve peed myself. I throw my hands into the air and look around for Jimmy, then hurry to get my coat on, already shivering. “What thehell?”
In his hurry to get away, he’s left his bag. Hoping there’s a towel in it, I pick it up to look through it. I find nothing but an old Lucozade bottle, some indigestion tablets, and flyers for an amateur production of Oscar Wilde’sThe Importance of Being Earnest.
I examine the flyer closely.
