“Yes! Yes, that’s me,” I say, confused, taking his outstretched hand and shaking it so as not to be rude.
Oh, my God. Has she set me up on adate?
“She said you’d be here with the red scarf,” he explains, clearly delighted that he’s found me. “I’m Jimmy, the Swan Whisperer.”
The what?
“When you’re ready, we’ll get started,” he says, rubbing his hands together. “Bit chilly today, isn’t it?”
“I’m sorry, who did you say you were?”
“Jimmy, the Swan Whisperer,” he repeats, frowning slightly. “I’m here to teach you to connect and communicate with swans. Cordelia said you were looking for some.”
“She did,” I say slowly, letting this horrifying situation sink in.
“I’m going to help you to reach out to the mute swans of St. James’s Park,” he explains, gesturing to the water. “They’re quite stubborn, the ones here. Snobby and posh, I like to think.” He chuckles. “The swans elsewhere in the country are much easier. But let’s see how we get on today and whether you pick it up. I believe you don’t have long to learn the ropes.”
He throws down his bag and crouches to unzip it.
“Is Cordelia joining us?” I ask.
“Nope, just you and me,” he says cheerily, digging around in the bag. “It’s better that way, to be honest. I don’t like having too many people around while I’m working. The swans don’t take to crowds.”
I can’tbelievethis. She’s set me up. Of course she has! What better punishment than complete and utter humiliation? And the worst thing is, she’s not even bothered to come along to watch it.
“Look,” I begin, “I don’t think I have time for—”
“Here you go,” he says, straightening and holding out what looks like a pair of dungarees made of Wellington-boot rubber. “Pop these on.”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, you can’t go into the water like that,” he says, wiggling a finger at me. “Waders are a necessity.”
“What do you mean, go into the water?” I say, horrified. “I’m not going into the water!”
“Sure you are!” he replies, with an amused expression. “You can’t communicate with swans on the land. You need to submerge yourself in their domain. Be on a level playing field.”
“We can’t be allowed to walk into St. James’s Park’s lake!” I point out, gesturing around us. “We’ll get into trouble.”
“I do it all the time.” He shrugs. “Nobody minds. Everyone thinks you work here or with the birds, which technically is what I’m doing. We’re working with the birds.”
“Can’t we get some birdseed and bring them to us?”
“Oh, no,” he grumbles, tutting. “That’s not how you communicate with the mute swan. We’re talking about a gracious, superior bird. This isn’t your average mallard. Feeding them isn’t going to get you anywhere. What would you do on the wedding day? Scatter food down the aisle? It would be carnage! You need to help them to accept you as one of their own. That way, they’ll listen when you call.”
I stare at him.
“The waders will keep you dry,” he insists, holding them out again. “It’s not that big a deal. You go in a little way, and then I’ll teach you the call. If they come to you, it will be a wonderful start. If not, we may have our work cut out for us.”
I cross my arms stubbornly. “There is no chance I’m getting in that water to call to swans. This is so stupid!”
“Ah.” He lowers his arms, a smug smile that I donotappreciate spreading across his face. “Cordelia said this would happen. Oh, well! I tried.”
“She said what would happen? That I wouldn’t be stupid enough to wade into a lake in the middle of London to talk to a bird? Then she’s right!”
“No, it was more something along the lines of… you were too much of a goody-goody, just like Graham always said.”
I recoil. “She saidwhat?”
