A large part of my job is learning everything I need to know about the bride to convince the guests and, more often than not, the bridal party that we’re the best of friends and there’s a very good reason they’ve never heard of me before—I’ve been living in the rain forests of Guatemala for the past five years or I’m in the Witness Protection Program.
Yeah, I know. I’ve gotten creative.
The kettle clicks and I make my coffee, thinking about everything I need to do today, which includes calling the string quartet performing at the wedding next weekend and asking them to please remove Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” from the proposed set list they sent me (really, guys?really?). As I stir in the milk, I hear the post arrive, and, taking my mug, I go to pick it up and bring it into my office, plonking it on my desk and myself in my chair, ready to tackle those emails.
But something in the pile of letters catches my eye: an expensive-looking, thick cream envelope with my name written across it in elegant calligraphy.
If anyone can recognize a wedding invitation, it’s me.
The thing is, I already have the wedding invitations I’m expecting from my personal life. I don’t know anyone else getting married. Intrigued, I pick it up, admiring the style of the envelope and the neat wax seal on the back. My heart does a little flutter at how gorgeous it is.
Uh-oh.Am I potentially turned on by this exquisite stationery?
“I need to go on a date with a human,” I say aloud to no one.
Opening the envelope, I pull out the gilt-edged invitation. As I read the names of the happy couple, any good feelings I woke up with vanish in an instant.
From: [email protected]
Subject: HEN DO JUNE 2022
Hi Sophie,
Thanks for your query about the ALL ABOARD PARTY TOUR: HEN DO SPECIAL on 4 June 2022 for 20 people.
It is a fun-filled excursion down the canal on your very own party boat, with a bottle of prosecco for every hen…twobottles for the bride!
Would you like to upgrade to the stripper package?
Best wishes,
Tina
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: HEN DO JUNE 2022
Hi Tina,
Great, thank you for getting back to me.
What exactly is the stripper package?
Best wishes,
Sophie
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: re: HEN DO JUNE 2022
Hi Sophie,
