Summer
A knock on the door rouses me from sleep the next morning. Poking my head out from under the comforter, I see Zander standing by the door. “Morning. Are you up for going to school today?”
“Yeah, I told Seb I would. Everyone else is going. Guess I forgot to set my alarm last night.”
“Okay darling. I’ll leave you to get ready,” he smiles gently, but I can see concern in the slight crinkling near his eyes.
Crawling out from under the covers, I look around the room before leaving to grab some clothes and get ready for the day. My brain feels kinda foggy, and I definitely didn’t sleep well. Zander hollers from the kitchen that breakfast is ready, so I join him. He made bacon, eggs, and tea for me. I offer to do the dishes, then grab my backpack and fill it with the books I need for the day. Passing Nick’s room, because that’s how I think of it now, I grab one of his t-shirts and pull it on, tying a knot on my hip. I want him close today.
Zander tosses my keys to me when I get to the front door. He glances at my shirt but doesn’t say anything. When we get to school, Zander squeezes my arm. “You are so brave, my darling. Try to have a good day.”
Nodding, I see Ceres waiting patiently a few feet away, so I get out and say hello. “I’ll be outside the school. Just call if you need anything, Summer.”
“Thanks, Ceres,” I reply, but I can’t muster a smile today. We meet the guys and Gabby on the steps as Seb hugs me, holding on a little longer than usual. I turn and hug Gabby when he lets go. “Hanging in there?” I ask her.
“I’m okay.” She gives me a brittle smile. I give her hand a squeeze as we get inside, since her locker is far away from ours. She waves and heads in the opposite direction to get ready for school.
The guys are quiet while we gather our belongings before heading to class. Bay and I both take the test we missed yesterday. We receive our tests back at the end of the period, and I got a B, which I’m happy with considering my head is lost in the shadows. Today, Gabby joins us for a quieter-than-usual lunch. Even Seb is not very talkative. I tell Holly and Jaxon that Nick is going to be away for a while, but I don’t feel comfortable telling them more. They know something is up, but luckily, they don’t push. We need to keep things in the family, so to speak. To end the day, I help Seb clean out Nick’s locker, which almost made me cry again. Seb gets his school stuff together, and I grab his gym bag.
Ceres drops me off at Finn, where I call Sarah from my old office. “Hello Summer,” Sarah waves when she answers my call.
“Hi.”
“What would you like to discuss today?” Worry creases her forehead as she looks me over.
“Well, we could talk about Nick sacrificing himself, Patrick getting Seb’s mom hooked back on drugs, or that he may be Lily bee’s father,” I say, kicking my feet up on the desk. I was sad, but now I’m just agitated.
“There is a lot to process. What have you been focusing on today?”
“Nick being gone. He shouldn’t have had to go there.” I think that’s why I’m agitated. It’s not fair he had to go back to that abusive man.
“We don’t live in a perfect world, unfortunately. He made the best decision he could, given the information he had.”
“I know. Seb told me he always expected his father would show up in his life again and he’d have to deal with him. It just sucks. I miss him.” Not to mention, a heavy feeling settled in my chest this morning, a physical manifestation of the emotional turmoil I’m experiencing. I’m very familiar with it. It’s not as strong as after the accident, but it’s definitely there.
“Let yourself feel Summer and be kind to yourself. This just happened. Try to process your emotions as they develop.”
“I’ll try. What about Lily bee’s father? First, he didn’t exist, then it was Ben’s dad, now Patrick. Neither is a good person. How can I be connected to Patrick while still having Nick in my life?”
“There is no reason for Patrick to be in your life. Your lack of relation to Patrick, coupled with Lily’s passing, eliminates the need for a connection.”
“I’m glad Lily bee isn’t here to deal with either of them, honestly.” Although I guess Mom would’ve handled it if she were here. Then again, without the money from the accident, no one would have come forward. Life is messy.
“That is a positive,” she smiles kindly. “However, her paternity is unknown. I don’t believe it would be productive to assume Patrick is correct at this point. He hasn’t provided proof, just his word.”
“That’s true. Maybe he isn’t, and it’s another ploy. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” I sigh. “Were you able to talk to Troy about Beth?”
“I was. Arrangements are being made.”
“Some good news. I appreciate that, Sarah.”
“Happy to help, Summer. Anything else to discuss?”
“Not right now, but thanks.”
“Perhaps today is a good day for journalling. Call when you need to. Goodbye Summer,” Sarah waves with a smile.
That evening, I unpack Nick’s gym stuff. It’s all clean clothes along with hand wraps, so I put them away into the dresser drawers. I decide to write a letter to Nick in my journal. After pouring my feelings onto paper, I’m a little calmer. Seb calls just before bedtime, and we talk until my sleeping pill kicks in. I sleep in Nick’s bed again, hugging his pillow. His scent is keeping me sane right now.
