And underneath it all, a sense of complete confusion.
I didn’t notice it straight away, but when I thought over all his words, I got hung up on that bit: “After what you said.” What did I say? It must have been in that dark corridor in the sport center, right before I left. What were my exact words?
I have no intention of asking directly. I’m actually afraid of direct contact with Devlin, because I won’t be able to control myself.
And then there’s the foster care revelation. I’m reeling from the fact that Devlin grew up in a world so different from mine. He was adopted so late in life, and he spent his holidays with my family because he clearly had no connection to the people who took him in.
I wonder if my brother’s presence influenced how I perceived Devlin’s attitude all these years. Maybe Devlin was deliberately behaving rudely, keeping distance between us because of Sasha.
But then I stop myself. I don’t actually know how Devlin feels about me, despite what he said, because Devlin is a complicated man. Words are one thing; feelings are another.
Butdear God, as soon as I remember how he whispered those words to me, I get goosebumps all over again.
My phone buzzes with a notification, breaking my reverie. It’s an email from the student activities board.
Due to structural concerns in Building C, all organizations currently housed there may need to relocate. We will provide updates as the situation develops.
My stomach drops. The rescue room. They might move the rescue room.
Before I can think better of it, I’m pulling up my contacts and staring at Sasha’s name.
It takes me a long time to work up the courage. My thumb hovers over the call button for what feels like an eternity.
Finally, I press it.
“Valya!” Sasha’s voice is warm, teasing. “To what do I owe the pleasure? You usually text to your old man.”
“Hi, Sash.” I try to sound normal. “Just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Aww, that’s sweet. Or suspicious. Which is it?”
“Can’t a guy just call his brother?”
“A normal guy, sure. You? You’re up to something.” He’s laughing now. “What’s going on? Need money? Failing a class? Got a girl pregnant?”
“Sasha!”
“What? I’m just covering all the bases. So which crisis am I helping with today?”
Despite everything, I find myself smiling. “No crisis. The rescue room might have to move, but I’ll figure it out.”
“Of course you will. You always do.” His voice softens. “You’re the most capable person I know, Val. Even if you don’t see it sometimes.”
We talk for a while longer—about his games, about Mom and Dad, about nothing and everything. And then, after a brief pause in the conversation, I take a deep breath.
“Sash, I need to tell you something.”
“Okay.” His tone shifts, becomes more serious. “What’s up?”
“I’m gay.”
The silence on the other end lasts maybe two seconds, but it feels like an eternity.
Then Sasha laughs—not cruelly, but genuinely, warmly. “Val, I’ve known that since you were about twelve.”
“What? That can’t be true! I couldn’t even figure it out myself for the longest time.”
“Trust me, it was obvious. At least to me.” His voice is full of affection. “You’re my favorite brother, Val. There’s no one closer to me. Of course I understood everything before you did. I have to protect my little brother, don’t I?”
