By the time I was thirteen or so, Mom had suffered many miscarriages. She fell into a melancholy state after the last one, putting most of the work inside and out on me. Consequently, after the hay field caught fire, Dad was compelled to seek employment elsewhere for the summer, leaving me to manage Mother.
One winter night, after chopping wood and taking care of what animals were left on the farm, I fell into a deep, exhausted sleep in front of the fireplace. I don’t know how I missed her opening the front door, but she walked out into three feet of snow with nothing on but her sleeping gown. I found her frozen to the ground the next morning.”
Her tea is getting cold in her hand as she stares at the wall, her mind replaying the hell of that day.
“Damn girl … that’s rough. I’m sure that was hard on you and your father.”
“Dad didn’t even know, … probably still doesn’t … he left us. At first, he came home every chance he could. Then he said the distance between his job and home was too far. He sent money for a while, then it stopped. After I buried Mom, I tried my best to locate him, but it was as if he had simply disappeared. The man who owned our plot didn’t think it was proper for a woman-child, that’s what he called me, to work the land alone. According to the law, the only way I was going to be able to keep my home was to marry, and I would have rather been homeless than forced to marry any of the men in that area.”
“Is that how you ended up at Grant’s?”
“Partially, or I should say it set the wheels in motion. The man who owned our property helped me sell the few things that were worth anything. I was sitting at the kitchen table crying, with a bag at my side containing all my belongings and a few dollars in my hand, with nowhere to go, when his wife took pity on me. She had a sister in the city. Mrs. Marshal was always looking for help, or that’s what she told me when she handed me a ticket on the next stagecoach. Even though I was terrified of leaving home and everything I had ever known … I forced myself to walk forward, and when I got on that stagecoach, I promised myself I would never look back. But because of her generosity, I was sent somewhere where I was taught a trade that gave me the means to support myself.
When Mrs. Marshal passed, her solicitor was instructed to find each of us a position. I was fortunate again when he sent me to Mrs. Beacon. I worked with her in several homes. She was teaching me to take her place at Mr. Hayes’, a position I was working hard to earn, when he announced he was selling the house, and I was once again looking for a job.
She gets quiet, and I see her take a deep breath as she sits up straight, and I know she feels like it’s her against the world, and suddenly, all I want to do is pull her close and comfort her.
“I am sure there is plenty you are leaving out.”
“Nothing worth mentioning.”
“That had to be a hard change for you, going from tomboy status to maid status?”
“I missed the familiarity and oddly enough, the comfort of pants, but Mrs. Marshal kept me busy. She was stern and not one for nonsense, but I never went to bed hungry at her house. She was determined to make a lady out of me, and she told me that on more than one occasion. I worked hard and learned to read and write. Before she passed, I was even keeping her books. Mrs. Marshal took me in when I had nowhere to go, and I am grateful for the positive influence she had in my young life.”
“Sounds like a good woman. I am happy that your story had some happiness in it. So, after feeling the luxury of a warm bed and a full belly, what would possess you to want to come West?”
“Life was changing around me again. All the things and people I’d grown comfortable with were leaving or going their own way. I didn’t want to learn a new family, with new rules and lessons. I’ve always been a simple girl, and I figure that if this adventure doesn’t work out, there will be other options for me, especially since society isn’t as strict out West. Who knows, I may even own my own land one day.”
“Hmm, the story you just told me doesn’t quite fit the girl I see. Yes, I notice poise and manners. I also see the meekness many maids show, but you’re hiding behind that because it’s safe. What I believe made you pack what little you have and get onthis train is the adventure you’re after. You want to let your hair down, ride a horse, and shoot dinner if necessary. You’ve learned to be a maid and a lady, but you long for the freedom you once had.”
She doesn’t say yes or no; she simply takes a drink of her lukewarm tea, looking at me over the rim of her cup.
“May I ask you a question?”
“Go right ahead.” I can see my words have hit their mark, even if she is not willing to accept them right now.
“What made you … a man who had it all … sell everything and head into the unknown?”
“I’d be lying if I said I knew, but I was growing tired of the world I was living in and saw no change happening. If I’d stayed, I believe my spirit would have died, and someday I would have become just a shell of who I am now. Am I scared? Hell yeah! I might never see this dream come true because of all the dangers in this part of the country, but the unknown offers hope where the familiar only brought stagnation and regret. I’ve always been a wanderer, always eager for the next new adventure, and when this opportunity came along, I saw it as a blessing and seized it.”
“What are your plans once we get wherever it is we are going?”
“We are headed to St. George, Utah, where I am in the process of buying several thousand acres. I plan to build myself a nice home beneath the watchful eyes of wheat fields and snow-capped mountains. A place where the air is fresh and the possibilities are endless. I expect the first years to be tough as there will always be unknown hardships and problems, but that’s life. I will say there won’t be many luxuries availableto you, especially in the beginning, and that does worry me slightly.”
Jessica doesn’t immediately respond, but I notice her eyes glancing around the sleeping car we are in. When she turns toward me, I see insecurity and fear in her features, but I quickly realize it’s not because of the hardships coming, but because of the situation I have placed us both in.
“What will happen to me when you do find a wife? Most women, and I only speak of this because I know how I would react myself, but a real lady wouldn’t allow one to remain in her home who pretended to be more than what she was. I would prefer you to be honest with me now, so that I am not shocked later.”
I reach over and take her small hand, immediately noticing how mine completely engulfs hers. “As long as I have a home Jessica, so will you. I am a man of my word, and I won’t break it for anyone.” Before I can reassure her further, the bell above the door rings, and I stand up to see who it is. Finding the dinner cart beside the door, I pull it into the room, then glance outside the window, realizing dusk is upon us.
“I hope this tastes as good as it smells. The day has gotten away from me, and I missed the midday meal in the mix of it.” Instantly, Jessica starts gathering the tea tray and rearranging the table so the food trays will fit. I start to tell her to sit and relax, but I know she needs to feel like she is doing something, and sometimes anything familiar helps, so I sit down and let her do her thing. Once done, she hesitates, and I motion for her to take the seat across from me.
“That is your seat for the remainder of this trip, Jessica. We will dine together and learn to be comfortable in each other’s company. I am not always a pleasant man, but I will tell you thatI am not quickly angered either, so you have no reason to be leery of me. If you do something I am not pleased with, we will speak of it in private. If, at any point from now until the day we part, you have an issue with me, you need to speak plainly. I do not understand the mind of a woman, and I don’t take hints.”
She nods and sits down gracefully, and I am happy when she starts eating instead of just picking at the food like some women I’ve dined with before. I quickly devour the simple roast and potatoes, surprised at how flavorful and tender they are for a train dinner. Jessica pushes her plate back, and I reach over with my fork, grabbing the last potato off her plate, curious about how she will react. When she rolls her eyes, I can’t help but smile.
“You couldn’t have just asked?”
