I missed them at Jannis’s fathers’ too, but here, in this house... phew, that’s a whole different ball game. Every day, something happens, reminding me they’re not here anymore. When I have to make decisions for the twins, or when I have a problem my mother would’ve definitely had a solution for. Even if she had just given me a hug.
Three weeks ago, an envelope fell into my hands. I knew it existed, but I had pushed it out of my mind, just like its contents. My parents’ wedding rings and the jewelry my mother wore the night of the accident. The earrings with the little emeralds that she loved so much. The gold necklace with the matching pendant and the bangle with the arabic ornaments.
My first impulse was to put the whole envelope in my father’s desk drawer, but that same night I had a better idea. Of course, I talked to my brothers about it, but both Firas and Nael agreed immediately. Today is the day, today my idea will become reality, and I’m super nervous.
“Oh shit, are you serious?” Firas looks at me with wide eyes and presses his fist to his mouth to keep himself from laughing out loud.
“Yeah, man, it's okay, but… you know.” Nael looks at me suspiciously and I wonder what I’ve done wrong this time. Can you really be that uncool at twenty-six?
“The last time I saw you in a suit was at Louis and David’s wedding.”
“And even then, you weren’t wearing a tie. That’s totally not authentic.” Where the hell did my brother learn that word?
“I wanted something appropriate for the occasion.”
“You’re meeting at the bench by the basketball court.”
Okay, maybe they’re right. “Too much?”
They both nod slowly. “Okay, fashion icons, what should I wear then?”
I regret asking the question the second I close my mouth. But surprisingly, Firas hands me a pair of dark jeans and Nael pulls a mint green polo shirt out of the closet. The color is bold, but it could be worse. I slip on a pair of sneakers and feel much more comfortable than I did in the suit.
“Yes, that’s good!”
“Much better than before!”
The twins praise me and I immediately feel two inches taller. Stupid.
My phone vibrates with a message from Luca. “We’re on our way.”
That’s my cue. “Wish me luck, boys.”
“Why?” My brothers ask in unison, and I stare at them in disbelief.
“Are you serious?”
Firas and Nael are both grinning from ear to ear. They’re messing with me, and I fell for it. Fantastic. But that’s how it is between brothers, and even though I’m their guardian and therefore legally responsible for them, I’m glad that Philipp, Adrien and Jannis took so much off my hands in the beginning, so I didn’t have to slip into this role right away. After our parents died, we were allowed to stay together as brothers. Together with Jannis, Philipp and Adrien not only took care of the two of them, but also of me, sharing their grief and pain, preserving memories and traditions, and creating new ones. At no point did it feel like they wanted to replace our parents, and I am incredibly grateful to all three of them for everything they’ve done for us. Sometimes I feel guilty towards Jannis when I thinkabout everything he took on when I couldn’t. I don’t think we would’ve coped with this loss so well without them. Would I’ve been able to finish my university degree? Probably not.
“Time to go.” With their arms crossed, they stand at the door like mini bouncers and escort me out of my own house.
I’m already through the garden gate when Nael yells after me again. “Hey! Haven’t you forgotten something?”
“You want a goodbye kiss?” They both grimace in disgust, but I see the little box in Firas’s hand.
Oh, fuck. “Come on, Flocke, let’s go now.” She jumps up, wagging her tail, and falls in step beside me.
Jannis is already here. His hair has grown back over the last two years. It’s probably down to his chin again by now, but it’s hard to tell because his curls are sticking out in all directions.
We’re still a good distance away, but Flocke can’t ever control herself when she sees Jannis and rushes off. Okay, that wasn’t the plan, but never mind. I see my dog jumping up at my boyfriend. She always does that, but with just a wave of his hand, she sits down in front of him. The two of them are a great team and fuck, here they are. The first tears well up in my eyes.
Jannis looks around and his gaze meets mine. He immediately stands up, but I motion for him to stay seated as I approach him. By now, I’m fully crying. Damn it, I’m usually not that emotional. Jannis makes me weak, in the very best way.
“Hey, um... are you okay?” Jannis jumps up and cups my face. I love feeling his hands on my cheeks. His voice sounds anxious, and I smile at him for reassurance.
“That’s my line.”
“What?” He looks at me blankly, but I can’t help myself.
