Complete nonsense, I’m the outsider anyway, nothing is going to change. I simply don’t exist in class, I’m not sure how I could deal with constant stupid comments. That would probably hurt more.
“Hey, kid. You look so sad. What’s wrong?” Louis plops down next to me in the sand. “Don’t worry—I’m alone. David is still shopping for tomorrow, then he has to pack. Where’s Dayyan?”
“He’s out with Flocke and he wanted to call his parents. We’re meeting here.”
“Are you okay?”
My gaze speaks a thousand words and my brother laughs. “You know the answer, don’t ask such stupid questions.”
“But I don’t understand why. You two are cute together. Dayyan is good for you, and you seem to have fun. At least that’s how it sounded last night.”
Oh God, I’ll never live this down, I know it. Blood rushes to my head, my cheeks get hot, and I know I’m glowing red like a fire alarm.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed. You’re both consenting adults and sex is the most normal thing in the world. Even between two men.” It’s getting worse and worse.
“I know that, that’s not it. I... I’m afraid of school.”
“You want to come out?”
“We’re in the same class, I don’t think we can hide it. It didn’t work for David and you either, at least not at first.”
A loving grin spreads across Lou’s face and he shakes his head. “True, that didn’t work. Not everyone will like you’re together, just like not everyone was happy when Valérie came out as non-binary. But your class was cool about it, chances are good they will be now, too. And I’m sure Val will support you if you need it.” I nod silently. He’s right about everything. “Have you talked to Dayyan yet? What does he want?”
“What do I want about what?” Dayyan throws his arms around me from behind and kisses me passionately on the cheek. My laugh breaks out naturally, light and free. I grab Dayyan’s forearms and pull him even closer to me, breathing in his scent.
“And I’m out. Love to see you like this. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.” Lou walks away, laughing.
“What were you talking about?” Dayyan sits behind me, his head resting on my neck. His breath blows over my bare skin in a light breeze. “It was about me, wasn’t it?”
There is an uncertainty in his voice he rarely shows.
“About us. I’m scared of what will happen when we get home. When we’re back at school. Do you want to... should we keep this to ourselves for now, or...?”
“Sunshine, even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could pretend we’re just friends at school. I don’t care what the others say or whether they can handle it or not. I don’t have friends in our class anyway; I have nothing to lose. Except myself, if we hide.”
My vision blurs. I try to wipe the first tears from my eyes, but it’s no use. They run down my cheeks unchecked. Not out of fear or sadness, not even out of relief. I’m just happy.
Tomorrow, the fear will probably return, along with the gnawing feeling that this happiness could be taken away from me so very quickly, but for now I push those thoughts aside, turn around in Dayyan’s arms and let myself fall onto him. All the air rushes from his lungs and a choking sound escapes from his mouth before he bursts into loud laughter.
“Ouch, you’re heavy.”
I roll my hips once. My cock rubs against his and Dayyan’s eyes close.
“You’ve never complained about my weight before. Should I move?” Once more, I press my cock into his crotch, and this time he pushes back, increasing the friction. Fuck, what he’s doing to me isn’t normal anymore. What happened to shy, thoughtful, and reserved? Have I changed, or have I always been this way and just never had the chance to really be myself?
My family would say I’ve always been this way, even if no one believed them. It was our family secret. A grin spreads across my face.
“What?”
“Thank you.”
“For what now?”
“For letting me be myself with you.”
Dayyan smiles at me. “Who else would you want to be? And can you be yourself in the mobile home too?”
I look at him innocently. “But,ma lune, the sunset?” The one in five hours.
