“It’s okay. It’s not like that’s a problem in our house. If I remember correctly, there are two gay couples sitting at our table right now, and you’re bi.”
“How did you...?” My gaze silences him before he can even ask that stupid question. Luca is many things, and I love him more than anything, but he is not subtle. About anything. Everything about him is loud and over the top.
“Okay, I get it. What about you? What are you?” I don’t want to open up that can of worms that I’ve only ever found two people sexually attractive so far. Both were men. “I’m like Papa and Paps.”
“And like Lou.” I nod. “And you’re okay with that?”
The snort escapes me faster than I can control it, and Luca raises his hands apologetically. “Hey, it’s a perfectly valid question.”
Yes, for people with a social circle, perhaps. “I’m alone either way. Does it matter to me whether I’m into guys or girls? Neither want anything to do with me.”
Luca looks me over for a while. An unusually long while, by his standards. “What’s his name? Your friend’s with the black hair.”
I give up, it’s no use. Luca won’t let up, it’s not in his DNA, and my strength to fight to keep Dayyan a secret is waning. “Dayyan. And you know he’s not twelve. He’s in my class.”
“Yeah, come on, but he looks really young, he’s so cute and small.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, really? Would you say that to Louis too? He’s even smaller.”
Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t suppress the laughter bubbling up from deep inside my stomach. Just the thought of Louis’s reaction is too funny.
“Oh my God, no! No way. Forget what I said.” And with that all the tension between us is gone and we’re laughing almost hysterically together.
Suddenly Luca turns serious. “Do you like Dayyan?”
Damn, how am I supposed to answer that question? “We’re friends.”
Friends who sometimes hold hands, who hug, who give each other feather light kisses on the forehead when the opportunity arises. I try to convince my guilty conscience that this is completely normal, that it’s part of a friendship, but it refuses to believe me.
My heart belongs to Danny, I can’t take it away from him and give it to someone else.
“I saw Dayyan and you holding hands the other day, and how you smiled at him.”
Fuck, why do I lose myself so easily when I’m with Dayyan? “Why are you still asking when you already know everything?”
“Dayyan is an attractive man who is obviously interested in you, and you feel comfortable enough to speak with him. Why do you push him away?”
“It’s complicated.”
“But you like him.” This time it’s not a question, it’s a statement, and I don’t disagree.
“What are you afraid of? What do you have to lose?”
I’m afraid of losing Danny, of him disappearing into the clouds for good, of him not coming at night anymore. The intervals are already getting longer and longer. I’m afraid of forgetting him, of forgetting our feelings for each other and with them the only thing left of our relationship, of Danny’s truth. ButI can’t possibly tell Luca that, so I shrug my shoulders once more and hope he accepts it.
Chapter 22
Dayyan
We’ve been on summer break for almost a week, and for almost that entire week, it’s just been Jannis and me. We’ve already been on three hikes, all of them uphill of course, and my muscles are sore.
I’m lying in bed with aching thighs and I have no idea how I’m even going to get up today. My bladder has been begging for release for over thirty minutes, not long enough to put up with the pain that getting up would cause though.
I reach for my phone on the nightstand and open Jannis’s and my chat. “Can we do something relaxing today? I’m totally wiped out.”
His reply doesn’t take long. Three crying-with-laughter emojis adorn my display. “Did I take you too hard? You’re really not used to physical activity, are you?”
My heart skips a beat as my cock reacts to the double meaning of the message. What does “take you too hard” mean? For a moment, I see myself on all fours with Jannis behind me. Reflexively, I tense my ass, or more precisely, my asshole. Fuck. Do I want that?
