“Hi, Mom. Yes, all good. I finally found a place where I can let Flocke run free. That’s why we took a little longer today.”
My mother looks at me, beaming. “That’s great. How did you find it?”
“Insider tip.” I have no idea why I don’t tell her I finally talked to the boy I’ve been secretly watching for a few weeks now. Not that I’m trying to be creepy or anything.
But he does something to me. There was something in his gaze, something in the way he behaved. I still can’t quite put my finger on it. He was so ambivalent, dismissive, and insecure, but I also thought he was curious and challenging. Mostly, he seemed sad. So sad. I... I want to see him again.
The realization alone is disturbing, because I’ve never wanted to see another guy again. I must be really lonely.
My mother looks at me with raised eyebrows. “Enlighten me.”
“I met someone in the schoolyard.” Although 'met' is maybe not completely the right word. I kind of forced myself on him, but hey. “His name is Jannis and he’s eighteen. And he knows his way around here.” And that’s it, that’s all I know about him. Or all I want to tell my mom. I keep to myself that he looks like an angel with his long blond curls and that I’ve never seen such fascinating eyes. That his features are soft and delicate, almost feminine, but only almost, because his incredibly deep voice leaves no doubt about his masculinity.
The voice. Always a little quieter than might have been normal, no matter what he said.
“Earth to Dayyan? Are you still with me?”
“What?” Fuck, I drifted off.
“I asked if you’re going to meet him again. Do you know if he goes to the same school as you? It’d be nice if you already had a friend when you officially transfer after Pentecost, wouldn’t it?”
I nod slowly. Yes, that’d be nice, but Jannis didn’t really give the impression he was looking for a friend. My heart tightens a little at the thought and I don’t understand why. “I don’t think he wants to be friends with me. He was rather...” Is curt really the right word? “I don’t know. We didn’t talk that much. I don’t know where he goes to school.”
I don’t really know anything, except... “He’s adopted.”
“You didn’t talk about obvious things like school, but you know he’s adopted?” My mother laughs. “Exciting conversation starter.”
“He has two fathers and an adoptive brother.”
As always, when she switches from mom mode to psychologist mode, she tilts her head. “Is that bothering you?”
I just nod, and she takes that as an invitation to ask more questions. “Why?”
I admit, two fathers were surprising to me at first, but only because I don’t know anyone who grew up with two fathers. “It’s none of my business, I get that, but my first thought was why he was adopted in the first place. What happened that he couldn’t stay with his biological parents?”
“That’s a valid question, sweetie. We humans want to understand, especially when we’re as empathetic as you are and when something is so far away from our own reality.” My mother gently ruffles my hair. “Somehow I feel like you’re not done with him yet. Am I right?”
My first impulse is to shrug my shoulders like I was undecided, but who am I kidding? I’m not. I could have kept talking forever. And then there’s this other feeling...
“Was today the first time you’ve seen him?”
“No, he’s been in the schoolyard several times before. Always with his brother. But today was the first time we talked.”
“So you’d have a real chance of seeing him again if you wanted to?”
My heart skips a beat. Damn it, what the hell? “I think so...”
Smiling, Mom gives me a hug. “Then you have to decide whether you want to meet him again or not.”
It takes all my willpower not to rush back out here and now. He won’t be there now anyway. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m not usually an impulsive person, nor am I nervous or chaotic. It’s as if someone has pulled the plug on my brain and plugged it back the wrong way round.
For a week now, I’ve been walking past the schoolyard twice a day on my rounds with Flocke. Luca is always shooting hoops with his friends, but Jannis is never there. My heart aches a little more every day he isn’t there.
Maybe I could ask Luca?
Or maybe that’s a stupid idea and super embarrassing? I tilt my head back and look up at the sky, as if something up there could tell me what to do, but everything remains silent. Fuck.
Chapter 3
