“Not with the teachers, but with the others in the class, yes. It’s been from the beginning. Someone always decided that I was weird and got everyone else to go along with it. I never had a chance.”
“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on? We could’ve thought about today beforehand, you could’ve told me what you need.”
I swallow hard. Is he serious? There’s no pity in his eyes, just curiosity and compassion. He’s not making fun of me, he’s not trying to take my burden all by himself. Dayyan is asking for a strategy for the both of us. My lower lip is trembling, and I don’t cry easily, not in front of others, but this is too much.
In no time he’s next to me on the sofa. “Can I?”
He wants to hug me, and I nod because it feels right with Dayyan.
It was more complicated with Danny.The thought comes out of nowhere.
I can’t do this with Dayyan. I need to leave as quickly as possible. My mind is spiraling, but my body refuses to cooperate, yearning for the closeness of another person too much, the warmth, the unfamiliar heartbeat next to my own, and I push my guilty conscience aside. It’s just a hug, we’re just friends. It’s okay. I’m just not used to it, that’s why it feels so extreme to me. Actually, there’s nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all.
“Starting tomorrow, you can use your phone or whisper in my ear, whichever you prefer. It’s no problem at all. Okay?” Okay...
Chapter 12
Dayyan
Somehow, I’m more nervous today than I was yesterday. Today it’s not about me, I’m fine. Jannis and I need to find a way to communicate that works for him at school. Since we’re used to just talking to each other, we’ll have to wait and see what happens.
“Where do we have to go?” Physics is our first class, and while I might manage to find our classroom with some difficulty, it’s easier to follow Jannis. This school is huge. Jannis nods for me to follow, and in three quick steps I’m beside him. Suddenly, he slows his pace and leans down to me. Yes, down. At 5’11”, I’m not short, but he’s easily 6’3” if not more. “What would you do without me, huh?”
Even through his whisper, I can hear the smile in his voice. Ah, so that’s how it works. “I would be hopelessly lost. I would have to ask someone in the class, but I didn’t remember any names.”
Jannis stops abruptly looking at me in disbelief. Then he types with nimble fingers, and a computer voice speaks up. “Are you serious? Not a single one?”
“Verena? Ah, and that idiot from the bike cellar, Thorsten. But I wouldn’t have asked him.”
Jannis pinches the bridge of his nose with his lips pressed together. “You mean Valérie and Torben?”
“Ah, close. I got most of the letters right though.”
This remark is too much for Jannis, and his head falls onto my shoulder, laughing. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
”You know what.”
We’ve calmed down when we reach the physics classroom and I follow the lesson as attentively as I can. It’s super distracting that our teacher has tucked the corner of his white coat into the back of his waistband. The mere fact that he’s wearing the thing, when we’re not even experimenting is over the top.
Unlike me, Jannis participates actively in class. In fact, he’s the only one who participates at all. Always with that synthetic voice that doesn’t really suit him.
“I understand that you need that thing, but your voice sounds so strange.”
Jannis furrows his eyebrows questioningly, and I interpret that as “Why?”
“Your real voice is so much deeper.”
Jannis types something into his phone and slides it over for me to read. “Sorry, the app can’t do sexy and seductive.”
I didn’t expect that answer, and I press my hand over my mouth to keep myself from bursting out laughing. He types again. “Oh, isn’t my voice sexy and seductive?”
Well, now that I think about it. “I do like your voice.”
The morning was surprisingly relaxed, and the two-hour art class in the afternoon flew by. The bike cellar is deserted when we unlock our bikes. “That was so much easier than I thought it would be.”
Jannis nods in agreement. “I guess I was worrying about nothing. Thank you for being so cool about it.”
