Regardless of whether I get a promotion immediately after this, I’m going to remember this. Someday, I will lead my own team. When I do, I’m going to use praise and cooperation to motivate my team.
When we make it back to our cluster of desks, I fully expect him to knock off early for lunch. Instead, he pulls up the work for another account and dives back in. I shoot a text to Thea and Reb, letting them know how the presentation went, and then I do the same.
I kick off my shoes beneath my desk and pull my feet up, tucking them beneath my legs. The movement is familiar. I pull up Spotify and put on my favorite ambient music playlist, deciding to plug into my earbuds and ride the high of success toward the next task waving for attention on my Trello board.
But the moody flow of synthesizer doesn’t soothe the tinge of disappointment that’s settling in.
We did it. Sasha did it.
Idid it.
The deal is made. Contracts signed. Dollars incoming. But somehow I still feel ... exactly the same.
Tad works through lunch, but then takes off early for a dentist appointment. I sit at my desk and eat the fruit and yogurt I brought from home, trying to plow through some of the work I let slide during the big push for the Butler presentation. Plus, since Teresa is still out, the workload seems endless.
In the late afternoon, I get a text from Keegan asking how the presentation went. I cringe reading it because I should have texted him when I texted Thea and Reb.
Why didn’t I?
Honestly, I don’t know. Or maybe I do know, and I just don’t want to think about it.
And, yeah, when we texted yesterday, he said we were okay. But are we?
Because this doesn’t feel okay. It still feels awkward and horrible and like we’ll never be on solid ground again.
Since I have all the chill of a coked up Chihuahua, I text him back immediately.
It went fine.
As soon as I hit send, I cringe. What is wrong with me?
Fine?
It was the greatest success of my career. I should be thrilled. Iamthrilled! So why did I downplay it?
I’m still staring at my phone, debating whether I should text him anything else when I get a text from Thea, asking if I want to meet up for cocktails to celebrate. I text her back quickly to let her off the hook and explain that I’m celebrating with people from work.
I might feel guilty about the lie if I thought she actually wanted to meet up. On Friday nights Thea has meetings via zoom with friends in Barcelona to practice her Spanish, so I know she offered to celebrate with me more out of loyalty than anything else.
Is it pathetic that my eighty-three-year-old friend has a more active social life than I do? Yes, it probably is. But at least I acknowledge it and don’t take advantage of her offers when they’re made purely on principle.
The reality is that no one from Forester+Blake made plans to celebrate. If Teresa wasn’t home with a sick kiddo, she might have wrangled after-work drinks for the three of us, but without her to steer the celebration ship, Tad has already left for the day. Even if I’d thought to invite him for a celebration drink, what would he and I have had to talk about?
Besides, after such an undeniable success, I should feel great. Fantastic even.
Instead, I feel ... Unsettled.
Like I had this big goal, met it, and now am not sure where to head next. Or maybe I’m just not sure what it means for me, forMeg, to have met the goal.
Is this why people get a funk after climbing Everest?
Not that doing a presentation about vacuums is anything near the grit and work needed to climb Everest, but you know. It’s the same vibe. Finishing a big goal and being in a funk when you finally do it.
I briefly consider the possibility that my funk is related to Reid’s absence from the pitch meeting. Though that just seems ... childish and unprofessional.
Just because he told me in the elevator that he couldn’t wait to see what I came up with, that doesn’t mean he meant it. It’s a big company, and I’m sure he doesn’t have time to attend all the pitch meetings. Even for the ones as big as a company like Butler.
The presentation was a success. That’s the important part. I landed the contract. I did good for Forester+Blake.
