I snort, turning away from him. "Sure, it's all about survival, right? That's why you were getting all cuddly."
"You were dreaming about a fight gone wrong, weren't you?" he asks, ignoring my jab.
I hesitate, the images from my nightmare flashing through my mind. "Yes," I admit reluctantly. "It's hard to forget."
"I know the feeling," he says quietly.
I look back at him, surprised by the sincerity in his tone. "You? Haunted by anything?"
His eyes meet mine, and for a moment, I see a flicker of something—sorrow, maybe. "We all have our regrets, Kira."
The way he says my name, so soft and serious, makes my heart ache. I want to hate him, to push him away, but there's a part of me that's drawn to his strength, his calm in the face of everything.
It seems like every moment I've been with him I've been reactive.
I hate it.
"Why do you always have to be so infuriatingly perfect?" I mutter, sitting down and wrapping my good arm around my knees.
He raises his brow spines. "Perfect?"
"You're always so composed, so sure of yourself," I say, frustration bubbling up. "It's like nothing ever gets to you."
Drasuk sighs, looking away. "It's not about being perfect. It's about surviving. I've learned to control my emotions because letting them control me would get me killed."
I can't argue with that logic. It's something I've tried to do myself, but it's hard.
"I just... I don't know how to do that," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper.
He turns back to me, his eyes softening. "It's not easy. But you're strong, Kira. Stronger than you realize."
I scowl at him, the annoyance from his grip lingering, but a warmth blossoms in my stomach, too, a feeling I can't quite define. Pushing it aside, I glance up at the sky.
Still dark. Great. Just freaking fantastic.
"Look," I say, trying to keep my voice steady. "It's the middle of the damn night, and I can't sleep anyway. How about I take a second watch while you get some rest?"
Drasuk's spines shift again, his amusement clear. "I already slept."
My jaw clenches. "Already?" I grit out through my teeth. "What's the point of taking turns then, you giant idiot? We're supposed to be alert for threats."
He shrugs, his nonchalance pushing all my buttons. "Threats don't get by me when I sleep. Besides," he adds, a hint of a amusement in his eyes, "aren't you the one who just declaredyour undying love for taking a second watch? Well, get on with it already. Guard your superior as he rests."
"Undying love?" I sputter. "Don't twist my words, you giant iguana. I'm just saying the whole point of having watches is so everyone gets some damn rest, but also so someone is awake to keep an eye out. How the hell are you this much of a stupid rear?"
I take in a ragged breath, then continue. "Besides, what do you know of love? You seem to survive on pure arrogance."
After a long blink, he responds. "I am certainly aware of it. I have felt it from my brood."
That gives me pause. "Only your brood? Not a female? Or male? A partner, I mean?"
His spines shift in a way I can't interpret yet, but really wish I could. "If you mean a mate bond, then no. That doesn't occur in my species."
For a moment, I'm floored. No romantic love in his species? What the fuck?
Hell, who am I to judge? I never thought love meant anything and now I'll probably never experience it before dying on some fucking alien planet full of misogynists.
Should have taken my chances when I had them, I guess.
