As we run, the events of the day plague me.
I keep seeing green blood all over me. I can't help but second guess my decision to leave Silver with that slithering, possessive male. I didn't even look him in the eyes to see if he seemed safe. Have I completely failed her?
Will I see her again?
Will I be able to keep myself together without her?
There's no answer, of course.
I can only move forward. Except this time I need to do it in a way that puts myself, and Thivoll, at less risk.
It's a miracle we aren't both dead already. I can't keep pushing the edges and expect it to keep working out.
I'm going to have to let some things go. Silver was a good start.
Maybe I need to let Amethyst go, too.
I clear my throat and ask Thivoll his opinion. "It's too much of a risk to get Amethyst, isn't it?"
He slows a bit, considering. "No. I think I should get her now."
"What? You need to rest. You aren't actually a Superkitty. You have limits."
"I still don't know what that means."
I quirk up a lip, but it's more fun to leave him guessing. "It's a mystery."
He chuffs. "You do realize that makes me even more invested in wresting the definition from you?"
I chuckle. "Of course I do, Fluff Brain."
I hear the crack of his teeth, then another chuff before he starts speaking again.
"I know my limits and we haven't passed them. I want her settled in our cave as much as you do. If I can't find her or if it's not safe, I'll just come back without her."
For once, I'm at peace with that possibility.
"That sounds like an excellent plan."
Soon after, we are back at the cave and Thivoll has me set up at the entrance with guns at the ready.
He disappears without a sound into the forest.
55
Ree
The shock of the day is waning, leaving exhaustion in its wake, but I keep myself propped up.
I killed someone. I let Silver go.
Both decisions were warranted in the moment, but they weigh on me. Luckily genali rations are gross enough to help shift my mind away from the remnant guilt and horror.
Just that little bit of space is enough for my brain to compartmentalize the experience, as I've trained it to do. It's an enormous relief, and it lets me turn my mind to far more important things.
Like, despite the danger and straight up surrealism of even being here, how happy I am.
And it's not just because of Thivoll, though of course that is most of it, but also how peaceful it is on this planet. If we could just remove the hunters from the equation, this would be a paradise.
