I’ve never looked at a guy this way before. But now that I let myself do it, I can’t believe I kept insisting I was straight for so long.
At last we get the fire under control and head back to Copper Creek. I think it will be good to find a new normal with Korren away from the crew, but the stiff silence returns that first evening. I can’t think of a single thing to say that won’t come out wrong, and Korren doesn’t make any effort. He’s too busy showering Charcoal with affection after our long absence, which would make me jealous as hell if it weren’t so adorable.
As before, Korren is wrecked after barely sleeping at the fire, so he goes to bed early and is passed out by the time I join him.
I spend a long time looking at him in the glow from my phone screen.
There’s a softness to his face that I haven’t seen in ages, and he’s sprawled across the middle of the bed as though he went searching for me in his sleep.
Now I’m getting hard.
I shut myself in the bathroom and jerk off angrily in the dark, thinking back to Korren’s mouth around my cock, his fist tight as he swallowed me down. When I come, shuddering from the release after so many days of lying awake in our tent with a hard-on that I couldn’t do anything about, I slump against the sink and curse my stupidity.
How did I get myself into this situation again? I’m once again pining for someone who doesn’t want me, once again going along with idiotic dares for the sake of keeping someone at my side.
The only difference is that Korren has no idea how I feel about him.
And I’m going to keep it that way.
Because if I told him I was starting to care for him, he would run. I know he would. I wouldn’t see him again.
And I can’t bear to lose him.
I lie awake for hours that night, staring at the ceiling, wondering how I can get myself out of this mess. It would be so much easier if I gave Korren the cabin and left, but I won’t. I need him in my life, even if it’s just in a small way.
I’m still awake when Korren starts shouting and thrashing around in the bed.
“Korren,” I say.
He doesn’t wake up.
“Korren!” I put a hand on his shoulder and shake him lightly.
He lashes out at me, so I seize his hand and guide it away from my face.
“Korren. Baby. It’s just a nightmare.”
This time he bolts upright, his breathing heavy and ragged in the dark.
“It’s just me. Dex.” I release his hand gently and sit up beside him. “You’re safe. We’re back at the cabin, and you’ve had a nightmare.”
Korren’s breathing is still sharp and jagged, on the edge of panic.
“Korren. I’m here.”
I lay a hand tentatively on his shoulder, which is hunched forward and shaking. He doesn’t say anything, but he drops his head toward me so it rests on my chest, and I wrap both arms around him and shelter him until his breathing slows and his body stops shuddering.
And it’s just us alone in the darkness, and everything I’ve been worrying about doesn’t seem to matter right now with Korrenhere in my arms. So I lay down and draw him against my chest and breathe in the smell of pine in his hair and hope he won’t hate me for this in the morning.
Chapter 33
Korren
When I wake up in Dex’s arms, I feel warm and safe and content. His chest is rising and falling gently against my back, and one of his knees is slotted between mine.
I want to linger here. But it’s too risky.
This is exactly why I can’t let my guard down with him.
