The words hurt more deeply than she had expected, and she held her breath to keep it from shaking.
At that moment, she wished that someone would want her as passionately as Lilly wanted Finn. She wished that, even for just one moment, a heart would ache at the thought of losing her.
But only her father had ever loved her so deeply, and now that he was gone, she existed only to move from one place to another, and never to truly belong.
If only Lachlan had not…
Lilly stifled a sob, twisting the fabric of the dress again. “He…” she forced out the word, even as a tear rolled down her cheek. “He asked me to marry him, my Lady.”
Marian went still.
I did not plan for all of this to happen.
“And he says he’ll come to England if I ask it of him,” Lilly continued, her lips trembling. “But I know he will not truly leave his home. And I… I do not want him to.” Her voice broke again on a sob.
Marian turned back toward the window, absentmindedly stroking Mossie’s fur. For a moment, she said nothing. She did not know what to say in response to such a confession.
Her gaze fixed calmly on the glen beyond the window, though her thoughts settled slowly around what Lilly had said.
“Do you want to marry him, Lilly?” she asked.
“Yes, my Lady,” she replied without hesitation. “A thousand times, yes.”
I will not stand in the way of love.
Marian closed her eyes briefly. She knew what she had to do; her mind settled on it with quiet certainty. “Then you will stay.”
“My Lady…” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
Marian turned around and stepped closer to her. “You will stay,” she repeated gently, her tone leaving no room for argument.
Lilly shook her head, confusion overtaking the sorrow on her face. “I cannot.” She looked at Marian as if she had no idea what her words truly meant. “I am in your service, my Lady. I must go wherever you go and?—”
“No,” Marian interrupted, her voice softer now. “You will not come with me, Lilly. Not this time.”
Lilly’s lips parted. She took a step away from the bed and toward Marian, her hands tightening at her sides. “But, my Lady.” Her protest was weak. “I simply cannot?—”
“You can,” Marian insisted. “And you will.” She swallowed and lifted her chin as she looked at her maid, her chest tightening. “This is your home now, Lilly. Not London. Not whatever place I am sent to next.”
“My Lady…” Lilly whispered.
Marian gave her a sad smile. “Do not let my circumstances decide your future, Lilly,” she urged quietly. “You have been given something rare. Something most people will never find.”
Her heart twisted at her own words, and she blinked, turning away so that her maid would not see the tears welling up in her eyes.
“I do not deserve such kindness,” Lilly said, her voice cracking.
Marian inhaled deeply, forcing her voice to steady. “It is not kindness,” she replied. “It is the truth.”
For a moment, they both stood still in the silence.
Lilly stepped forward slowly and wrapped her arms around Marian, holding her tightly. She sobbed quietly behind her, and Marian let out a shaky breath, barely able to hold it in anymore.
“I will write to you, my Lady,” Lilly promised through her tears, her body shaking terribly. “Every week, I will write to you. And when you return to London, I shall visit…” Her words trailed off into more sobs.
Marian turned around, the cat jumping out of her arms as she moved to hug her maid properly.
“You will be far too occupied with your own life to write so often, Lilly,” she said, her lips trembling slightly.
