“Says everyone who’s ever known me.” She was quiet for a moment, then added, “The women I’ve been with used to say I was too independent, too focused on my own stuff to really make room for someone else.”
The mention of her ex-lovers made my stomach twist, but I pushed through it.
“Maybe they weren’t the right people.”
“Maybe.” She looked at me again, and I saw something hopeful flicker in her expression. “What about you? Do you want that?”
I nodded, suddenly feeling shy under her gaze.
“Yeah. Ever since I was little, I guess. I used to watch my parents together and think… I want that. Someone to come home to, someone to build something with.” I paused, then added quietly, “Someone who chooses me every day.”
“That sounds nice,” she said, and her voice was softer now.
“It does, doesn’t it?” I said, and for a moment we just looked at each other, and I could feel the weight of the things we couldn’t say hanging between us.
Then her expression shifted and became more guarded.
“With your man back home, I reckon.”
I felt like she’d slapped me. A flash of hurt crossed her face so quickly I almost missed it, but then her expression went carefully neutral.
“Really?” I said, my voice sounding harsher than I intended. “Why do you have to bring that up right now?”
“I’m just being realistic, K. You have a whole life planned out back in Nigeria. There’s a fiancé waiting for you.”
“You don’t know anything about my life,” I snapped, pulling my feet away from her lap and sitting upright. “And you definitely don’t know anything about what I want. And we ain’t even engaged yet, for crying out loud.”
“Really?” she challenged, and there was something raw creeping into her voice now. “Because from where I’m sitting, it looks like you’re just… experimenting. Trying something different before you go back to your real life.”
The accusation struck me hard.
“That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it? You’ve never even told me his name. You never even talk about him. It’s like he’s some abstract concept, not a real person you’re supposed to marry.”
“Because I don’t want to talk about him!” I exploded, standing up abruptly. “God, you’re so… straightforward sometimes it’s like you don’t think before you open your mouth to speak.”
She stood up too, her jaw set in that stubborn way I was beginning to recognise.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you just say things without considering how they might make someone feel,” I shot back, my voice rising. “You throw things in people’s faces like weapons.”
“I’d rather be honest than pretend things are different than they are.”
“Honest, or is it just you being a cruel woman? Because there’s a difference, Marley.” I could feel tears prickling at my eyes, and I hated it. “You think being blunt makes you honest, but sometimes it just makes you look like a mean bitch.”
“A mean bitch?” She laughed, but there was no humour in it. “I’m a mean bitch for acknowledging reality? For pointing out that you’re engaged to someone else?”
“You’re mean for using it against me, for ruining this moment,” I said, and my voice cracked on the last word. “It’s like you’re reminding yourself as much as me that the past months we've been together have only been a mirage… and not real.”
Her face went pale at that, and I knew I’d hit something true.
I stared at her, feeling suddenly exhausted by more than just the evening.
“You know what? I… I need a minute.”
I walked away from her, heading toward the bedroom. I heard her call my name, but I kept going, stepping into the bathroom and locking the door behind me.
