She went quiet, and I could practically see her mind racing, trying to figure out how to escape this conversation.
“I…” she started, then stopped, looking down at her hands.
“It’s okay,” I said, my voice gentler but still teasing. “Not everyone’s comfortable talking about what turns them on. Some people need to work up to that kind of honesty.”
She looked up at me then, something almost defiant flashing in her eyes. “I can be honest.”
“Can you?”
“Yes.”
“Prove it.”
The challenge hovered between us, and I could see she was trying so hard to seem unbothered, which told me everything she was trying to hide.
“I don’t have to prove anything to you,” she said finally, but her voice lacked conviction.
I smiled, leaning back in my chair. “Fair enough. But you’re going to have to figure out how to ask these questions eventually. We can’t interview people about things like that if one of us turns red every time someone mentions attraction.”
A few seconds later, she started packing up. “Maybe we should call it a night,” she said. “We can work on the question list over email.”
“Running away again?” I asked, then immediately regretted the edge in my voice when she flinched.
“I’m not running away, I’m just… tired.”
“Okay, if you say so. I don’t have your email, though,” I said to her.
“Oh, that’s true. I’ll text it to you. Give me yours.”
“Sure,” I said as I handed her my phone. She punched in her number and passed it over to me. I glanced at my phone and noticed she’d already saved it with “Kelechi course mate”. I had to stop myself from laughing, as if there was any other Kelechi in my life.
As she shouldered her bag and turned to leave, I found myself wanting to say something to smooth things over, to get us back to the easier rhythm we’d had earlier.
But I didn’t.
Something stopped me. Pride, maybe. Or the satisfaction of knowing I’d gotten under her skin. Maybe it was simply the fact that pushing her buttons seemed to be the only way to get anything real out of her.
“Need a ride?” I asked.
“No. I’m stopping somewhere first.”
Translation: not with me.
“Okay.”
“See you in class,” she said, avoiding my eyes.
“Yeah. See you.”
I watched her walk away, disappearing between the stacks, and wondered why I always pushed just a little too far whenever she started opening up.
Then I remembered the way her breath had caught. How she couldn’t meet my eyes when I asked those personal questions?
I don’t quite regret it.
Some people needed a nudge. And Kelechi, for all her composure and academic seriousness, was definitely one of them.
* Germany
