“Unfortunately, I was. Just now.” Jacob pulls back and looks away from me, his face twisting in a grimace I can’t quite understand. “It’s just that—God, why am I like this?”
I stare at him as he bites his lower lip and another tear slides down his cheek. I’ve never seen Jacob cry before. He always seems so strong, like he has his shit together, like he’s a natural-born leader or something like that. My heart aches seeing him like this.
I don’t have feelings for him, do I? There’s only one creature in the entire world I love, and that is Killien. But right now, I feel connected to Jacob’s sadness. Did it come in his blood?
“Fuck—” Jacob hisses, before meeting my gaze again. “The way you kiss me makes me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. She was the first person I truly loved. Being with you just brings it all back, Damien. I haven’t been in love in years . . .”
Oh, shit . . .
There are no words I could possibly say. My lips part while I try and find something, but there’s nothing. My mind is almost blank. I knew I had Jacob wrapped around my little finger, but I never thought it could get this far.
He can’t love me. He shouldn’t. We don’t even know each other that well, and I’m a cold, manipulative brat. I have no feelings whatsoever—other than the ones I have for Killien, of course. He’s my one and only exception.
Jacob takes a step closer to me and wipes more blood from my lower lip. “I’m sorry, honey. It won’t happen again.”
I smile and shake my head, but I’m panicking inside. “It’s okay.”
Jacob’s gaze travels down my face and settles on my neck. “See? The bruises are already fading away.”
Thank God for the change of subject.
I look in the mirror beside us. Yes, the bruises are disappearing a lot faster now, turning my pale skin back to itspristine state. I can feel Jacob’s blood working its magic on my wounds, and I also feel stronger, just like I did last night when I woke up. But my mind is an absolute wreck.
Nineteen
Killien
Aweek seems to fly by as I juggle the web of lies I’ve tied myself into. I’m not good at this. I wasn’t made to be a liar. That’s something Damien has always excelled at, but not me. My brother is a master manipulator—I’ve seen him do it so many times. Making up excuses and deceiving his lovers has always been one of his talents. It used to annoy the shit out of me when we were younger. Now, I wish I’d learnt more from him.
This is the first time I have the need to lie, anyway. Through thick and thin, I’ve always been honest with Damien. Hiding stuff wasn’t a part of my life until I decided to start sleeping with Caleb. The funniest thing is . . . I don’t regret it. It might makeme feel guilty as hell, but it also helps me regulate my unwanted feelings for Damien.
Unwanted? Are they really unwanted?
I shake my head and huff, strengthening my grip on the steering wheel. Damien is giving me the side-eye, a frown on his cute little face when our gazes meet. He sits beside me as we drive to Jacob’s for another weekend gathering. Hopefully, this time I won’t make a fool of myself and run away.
“Got the chills, Killi?” he asks softly, shoving his phone into his pocket and turning on the passenger seat to stare at me. My heart skips a beat each time he calls me that, and I fucking hate it.
No, I love it. Who am I kidding?
I shrug and smile at him as he tries to read my face. He’s growing suspicious of my text messages. At least, I got a real one from Owen a few days ago. I no longer have to be terrified that someone will tell Damien that I’ve never talked to him.
“Is Owen pressuring you into something?” Damien narrows his eyes, as if he’s finally caught up with my anxiety.
“No—God, no.” I laugh. Sometimes, I can’t help but think that he’s actually jealous. It can’t be, though. It’s just my fucked-up mind playing tricks on me.
“I’ll rip his fucking throat out if he dares, Killien. I’m serious.” The way his voice trembles scares me. He seems to be getting more violent with each passing day, though I have no idea why. There’s a growing darkness inside him, and I don’t know where it’s coming from.
“It’s okay, seriously.” I reach out to squeeze his knee, which instantly softens his expression. “I know how to set boundaries, Damien. No one is forcing me to do anything.”
My brother huffs out an ironic laugh. “I smell something fishy about him, Killi. Be careful, please.”
“What do you mean?” I stop at a traffic light and turn my attention to him. Where is he getting that from? Jacob? I don’t see anything wrong with Owen.
“I don’t know—” He rolls his eyes and sighs. “Jacob said he’s the newest addition to the group, before us. He came to Phoenix just nine months ago, and he was running from something, apparently. Or someone. No one knows for sure, though. And he doesn’t like to talk about his past, or himself. I get a feeling that nobody really trusts him.”
“Well . . .” I look back at the street again, my hand still resting on his knee, and I really don’t want to pull it back. At this point, I’ll take every little contact with him I can get. “Kinda sounds like us, if you ask me.”
Damien’s eyes narrow at me with indignation. “We don’t have anything to hide, and we were not running because we did something wrong, Killien.Wewere the ones wronged by our parents! And we’d been living in this city like two years before Ledger even came into our lives, anyway.”
