Oh, hell no. No, no, no. Fuck me.
I have no words to say, really. I want to scream thatIam the only guy he should be dating. I’m head over heels for him, have been for years. But will that help or only make things worse? What am I supposed to do? Should I let him do his own thing until he comes back to me? I really don’t want him with another man. Not if I’m not gonna be involved, at least.
“I promise, I won’t make things weird again,” he says, looking down at his fingers as they tap the wood once more. “And I won’t get between you and Jacob—I overreacted, and it was wrong. I’m sorry.”
Fuck!
Idowant him between me and Jacob. That was the whole point.
No, I want Jacob betweenus, that’s what I want! I’ll have to find a way to sway him back to me. But lashing out right now won’t get me anywhere, so I swallow my rage and smile like the good boy I’m not.
Nine
Killien
Ican’t believe it, but I’m flirting with a guy. When I arrived at Jacob’s apartment today, I wasn’t sure if I’d like any of his friends. Turns out that I get along with everyone, and I particularly like Abby and Owen.
If it wasn’t for this strange desire to experiment with other men, I’d be pursuing Abby, for sure. She’s the type of girl I’ve always been into, the safe bet. Confident, easygoing, and kind. Her umber skin tone creates a beautiful contrast with the stark white of her teeth when she smiles, and her onyx eyes are seductive and penetrating.
Regarding Owen, though, I’m still not sure what I look for in another man. However, I do like that he makes me feel comfortable. He seems confident and flirts without being too pushy.
We’re silently watching the cars go by beyond the parking lot of the unassuming two-story building. It doesn’t look like much, and it isn’t fancy in any way. Just a well-kept apartment complex, comprised of several identical buildings with cream stucco walls and red roof tiles, like so many others in the area. At least it’s not rundown and creepy like the house Ledger left us in, and Jacob has his space perfectly decorated to his taste.
My hands rest on the black iron fence of the balcony, and Owen made sure to place one of his right next to mine. His fingers seem warm and soft, and I find it hard to resist the urge to touch him. I’m curious to see if it will feel like touching Damien, or Jacob.
Abby gets my attention as she leans her back against the fence on my other side, taking a puff of her cigarette. She narrows her eyes at something, huffing out a small laugh. Her dark gaze finds mine and she winks.
“Your brother’s got Jacob real good,” she says. “I’ve never seen him like this before.”
I turn around to see what she’s talking about, looking through the sliding glass door. Jacob’s living room is dimly lit by a simple black chandelier, the walls painted in a dark forest green shade, with grey tiled floors and minimal furniture. The old galley kitchen sits in a corner, with dark wooden cabinets and white laminate countertops, almost completely useless in a vampire’s home. Which is probably why it hasn’t been updated like the rest of the space.
I find Damien and Jacob sitting on the tan leather sectional in the middle of the living area, really close to each other. My brother’s hand is behind his boyfriend’s back, while he whisperssomething in his ear. The sight makes my heart skip a beat and I cringe at the uncomfortable feeling.
Fucking hell. Why do I love and hate watching this at the same time?
They’ve been all over each other the entire night. I caught Jacob touching Damien’s thighs more than once, his fingers almost sliding between his legs. I shouldn’t have looked, but my eyes remained glued to them most of the time. They don’t seem to care about the group of vamps around them, scattered across the sectional and matching armchairs on each side.
“They are really cute together.” Owen presses his shoulder against mine as he speaks, getting closer to my ear. The warmth of his breath sends a strange shiver down my spine.
“Yeah,” I say, not really understanding the feelings I’ve been fighting all night. I look into Owen’s green irises, his golden blonde hair slightly covering them, before returning to the scene unfolding in Jacob’s apartment.
Damien and Jacob are cute together indeed. They almost look like they were made for each other. Jacob is tall and strong, all covered in ink, definitely handsome with his classy black button-up shirt and tailored trousers, the many silver accessories adding to his goth aura—several chain bracelets and a stack of necklaces. While Damien is all small next to him, delicate but wild-looking with his piercings and edgy outfit; ripped black jeans and a tight T-shirt that has mesh on some areas, showing off his soft ivory skin.
Needless to say, it makes me incredibly jealous. Of what exactly? I wouldn’t know. I’ve been really confused lately. There’s something ugly and dangerous brewing in my heart, and I can’t seem to grasp it.
My brother gets up with a wicked grin on his lips, the kind that shows he’s up to no good. He walks towards Jacob’s bedroom, and our eyes meet briefly. My heart twists and turnspainfully in my chest. I’m suddenly back to square one, confused and hurt by something I can’t even understand. And Istillwant him.
I can’t look away from Damien’s eyes until he closes the bedroom door and disappears. I swallow hard through the knot in my throat as I anticipate what is going to happen any second now.
“It really sucks that Ledger took off on you like that . . .” Abby sighs, lost in her thoughts.
“We’re used to being alone.” I shrug, thankful for her interruption of my spiraling emotions.
It’s better that way, we don’t need anyone else. Just us against the world is good enough.
What am I thinking? It’s true: we’ve been facing the world head-on by ourselves for a long time. But that’s not what my mind is hinting at. That’s not why my heart aches. And I refuse to accept what is actually happening to me. I can’t fall for my brother.
I won’t let these feelings deviate me from my path. I’m Damien’s older brother. That’s all.
