Jacob goes silent, and I almost curse myself for saying something so ridiculous. I’m pathetic, really. All horny, cornered by my brother’s boyfriend. Acting like the brat I never was, while Damien sits on the sofa like a good boy. Have our roles reversed?
“You’ll have to think about that when the high is over,” Jacob says, after the most uncomfortable silence of my life. “That’s something that should be talked about seriously, okay? I’m not here to take advantage of either of you.”
I really wish you would.
Fuck my life, seriously.
I laugh at my own silly thoughts. “Can I stay in the car?”
“Okay, but I’m keeping the keys.” He lets go of my arm and takes a step back. My fingers slowly drag down his soft black shirt as my hand falls from his shoulder, feeling his hard muscles underneath. “I can’t have you driving around like that. You’ll get in trouble.”
“Fine . . .” I take the keys out of my pocket and throw them at him. The cool night breeze brings a gust of his scent to my nose, making the world around me spin again. I feel like the cracks inour concrete driveway are opening up to swallow me whole into hell itself.
“Come back inside when you’re feeling better. I’ll go watch Damien,” he says as he stares at me stumble towards our Grand Cherokee and try to open the back door.
“Can you unlock it for me?”
For fuck’s sake. This is humiliating.
He presses the car key and unlocks it. I jump onto the back seat and close the door behind me. I don’t want to talk anymore. Every second in which I have to listen to his voice is torture. I’m way too horny for my own good.
Our gazes remain locked through the tinted glass for a moment. The dodgy neighborhood is as quiet as ever, except for the occasional dog barking in the distance and random cars passing by other streets. Jacob nods at me and walks back into the house, the car keys dangling from his index finger. His palms are still bloody, and he smeared some on my arm and waist when he grabbed me.
I look down at my shirt. It’s stained, yes. Since it’s dark blue, it’s barely noticeable. But his hand is imprinted on my forearm. The blood contrasts beautifully against my pale skin. I stick my tongue out and lick it away, at least what I can reach. It’s no longer burning hot, but it’s sweet.
Damn, I never wanna drink human blood again.
I stay in the car for a long time, curled on myself on the back seat. I remain high and aroused for what seems like forever. My mind can’t stop replaying the whole thing over and over again. I keep seeing Damien’s face after we drank from Jacob, the way he looked at me, the fire behind his eyes. The blood on his lips, dripping down his chin. My lips part as I imagine kissing him, grabbing his fragile neck to hold him in place.
No.Stop it.
I shake my head. Why am I imagining that? Wasn’t I horny for Jacob? Maybe I’m more confused than I thought. Or maybe I’m just starting to realize that I want to try sex with men? I know I’m attracted to them as well now. I still have no experience, though. That might be what my brain is trying to tell me.
I don’t know how to go about it. I would have no idea what to do with another guy, and I’d probably be terrible at it. I hate feeling insecure; it’s not like me at all. But how can I not be? Whatever this feeling is, it has me stepping into unknown territory.
I close my eyes and hold my knees tighter against my chest, forcing myself to ignore my erection. I wasn’t expecting to go through a sexuality crisis. I’ve never had to question myself before. And I’m an open-minded person. I always supported Damien in his own path. It never made me uncomfortable, but it wasn’t something I thought I’d want for myself. And now, having it all change feels like the ground has been removed from underneath my feet.
I no longer know where I stand.
Is that what has kept me so on edge? Maybe it wasn’t even my brother acting weird. What if I made it all up? What if I was seeing signs that were never there? I’m really, seriously fucked-up. I should just find another guy I can experiment with. It might make my weird thoughts about Damien and Jacob vanish.
It’s fine.
I don’t have feelings for my brother.
I’m gonna be okay.
Eight
Damien
Fuck, that was intense.
A lot more intense than I predicted, actually. I think I severed an entire part of my soul by trying to behave. But I managed—almost. I might have licked Jacob’s wrist more than I should have, and probably made a lot more noise too. But, hey, that’s all I did.
I deserve a reward for my good behavior.
Now who wants to drink human blood? I definitely don’t. The thought of its metallic taste makes me want to gag. It’s nothing compared to the sweet, burning ecstasy of vampire blood. I wonder why motherfucking Ledger hid all of this from us. Didhe think we’d drain him? I’m not even sure if that can cause a vampire’s death. He could have easily overpowered us too. There’s no point in thinking about that now, though.
