The second I said those words, my entire perspective shifted and all the chaos in my mind and body quieted. It was instantaneous.
That was it. That was the Golden Ticket of motivation I needed to calm the fuck down and get on with it. I may be freaking out about signing my life away, but how would I feel if there was another woman in my place right now?Oh, hell no. I’d been pretending to be Mrs. Adam Knight since I could write my name. I’d been training for this my entire life.
28
BILLIE
If anyone was goingto fake-marry Adam Knight, it was going to be me. I squared my shoulders and left the privacy of the bathroom, shaking out my hands one more time as if I could flick off the anxiety like water droplets. The hallway was colder than I remembered, and my shoes—cute earlier—now pinched at the toes. I could hear Adam talking before I even re-entered the waiting area, his voice carrying from around the corner of the corridor. There was something about the steady, quiet cadence of his voice that made me want to run back to him immediately and throw myself into his arms, I refrained.
When I returned, Adam was exactly where I’d left him, but now he was deep in conversation with another couple. They were probably forty years older than us, both dressed in matching navy windbreakers. The woman had the air of someone who’d spent years wrangling kids and grandkids and was not impressed by anything, while the man wore a ball cap that said “World’s Okayest Grandpa” and had the air of someone whose grandchildren all had him wrapped around their little fingers. They were huddled together, the man sipping from a metal thermos, the woman with her arm around his. There was asingle-stem rose on her lap, the cellophane wrapper crinkled as she shifted.
Adam noticed me, his face lighting up when he saw I’d returned, and gestured for me with the arm not in a sling to join them. “There she is,” he said with relief, jokingly, although, I think there was truth in it.
I sat, smoothing my dress over my knees, and tried to act like I hadn’t just given myself a halftime locker room pep talk in the bathroom.
The couple introduced themselves as Frank and Marianne, teenage sweethearts who’d eloped after seventy-two hours of dating in 1979 and were now renewing their vows because, as Marianne declared, “The first ceremony was in a bumblebee yellow Ford Capri, and the officiant was my cousin, who was also drunk at the time.”
I liked them immediately. They had the effortless camaraderie of people who’ve survived decades together, and in their presence, Adam’s posture loosened, his mouth twitching into a smile I hadn’t seen since before his injury. He told them that we were here for the “speedrun version” of the wedding process since I was in the bridal business and had grown callous to it, which was not actually a lie.
Adam was so at ease with Frank and Marianne, so warm, that I felt a pang of jealousy mixed with pride. I realized that I’d never really seen adult Adam in his element, charming strangers with his dry wit and subtle self-deprecation. It was like watching a cat that’s always been hiding under the bed suddenly leap out and land a perfect backflip in front of a full audience.
Frank took a swig from his thermos and looked at Adam. “So how long have you two been together?”
Adam glanced at me for a half-second before turning back to Frank. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. Grew up next door to each other, actually.”
Marianne whistled. “And you only just now decided to get married? What took so long?”
He shot me a look of pure mischief. “She was too busy running the world.”
I narrowed my eyes slightly in challenge.You wanna play, okay?“He was too busy avoiding commitment.”
Frank cackled and gave Adam a wink. “Smart man. Keep her guessing.”
They laughed, and it was easy and natural, and for a second I forgot how staged this whole experience was supposed to be. I found myself wanting to sink into the moment, to pretend this was a real wedding, that Adam and I were just two people who’d finally gotten their act together and decided to do the damn thing.
Then Frank, emboldened by the vibe, leaned forward and asked, “So, son, when did you know she was the one?”
I felt my whole body go still. I was aware of my heartbeat in my knees. It was such a dumb question, the kind of thing you hear on reality TV, but in that second, I was hanging on the answer with a desperation I couldn’t even hide. He could have made up anything. He could have laughed it off. Instead, Adam looked right at me, the corner of his mouth lifted in a half-grin that had my stomach doing flip-flops.
“That’s easy. She’s always been the one,” he said simply. “I think I knew the first time I saw her.” He turned his attention back to Frank and Marianne. “She was four, a tiny thing, sitting on her porch, crying. Most six-year-old boys would want to avoid a girl crying at all costs, but for some reason, seeing her had the opposite effect. She was a magnet, drawing me to her. My chest ached, it constricted so tight. All I could think about was needing to be next to her, to make her smile, to make sure she was okay.” He inhaled and exhaled as if he wasn’t able to breathe until those things were done.
I stared at him. He hadn’t rehearsed it. I could tell by the way he stumbled over the last part. He was so convincing, the way he was looking at me, it was almost like he’d managed to hypnotize himself into believing it. Marianne let out a little sigh, and her husband squeezed her hand.
Adam’s voice softened. “And now it’s been what, over thirty years?” He looked at me. “Still feels exactly the same. I need to be next to her, to make her smile, to make sure she’s okay. From the moment I saw her, it’s only been her. It’s always been her.”
For a fake marriage, it was a hell of a story.
My chest felt tight again, but in an entirely new way. I couldn’t tell if it was panic or something more dangerous. If I were being honest, I didn’t want to examine it too closely. Maybe it was a kind of grief for all the versions of Adam and Billie that could have existed, or maybe it was hope, which I’d worked so hard to keep at bay. Either way, I was nearly undone.
The clerk called two names, but they floated right past me. My head was too busy spinning at what Adam had just said, despite me being sure it was just a good cover story. But then again, he had said all those things when he was high…
I had no clue it was our names that were called until Marianne whispered, “You’re up, sweet pea.”
She reached over and patted my knee, and it was such a well-practiced gesture of comfort that I almost wanted to cry again.
Instead, I gripped Adam’s offered hand as tightly as I could as we both stood. His eyes crinkled in a wince, and I asked, “Is your back okay?” His response was a sharp nod, which I knew meant it wasnotokay.
Frank and Marianne also stood. I glanced over at them and noticed that Adam was handing Marianne his phone. “They are going to be our witnesses and offered to record the wedding.”
