His back was to me as he looked at each one. “It’s so weird being back here.”
“It’s weird you being back here,” I agreed.
He turned to face me, and it was then that it dawned on me where we were. We were in my bedroom. Aroomwith abedin it. It was in the name. I tried to tell myself that it was a room just like any other room, but that’snotwhat it felt like.
I’d never had a man in this room. I didn’t like men in my space. I also didn’t want men to know where I lived unless we were serious, which hadn’t ever happened. It was a safety thing.Which sounded ridiculous now, considering the situation I was in.
“Good weird or bad weird?” he asked.
“The jury’s still out,” I teased.
“Your sisters are happy I’m back.”
“They always worshipped the ground you walked on.”
“And you?” He took a step towards me.
It was so strange. I was the most blunt, honest-to-a-fault person in the world, but right now, when I wanted to be, I felt nervous. But fuck it. “You knew how I felt about you.”
Adam dropped his head. “I know, I’m sorry.”
Okay, that was not the reaction I expected.
“What are you apologizing for?”
“For the wedding. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Done what?”
I wanted to hear him say it. I wanted to hear him say that he regretted kissing me. He regretted kissing me and doing other things with me.
He stared at me and his jaw ticked. “You know.”
The energy between us was getting heavier by the second. There were years of unsaid words and emotions that had built up. Everything up until now had been polite conversation. Ihatedpolite conversation.
“No, I don’t. Tell me what youshouldn’thave done.”
Adam ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “Can’t I just say I’m sorry?”
“No, I want to knowspecificallywhat you are saying sorry for.”
“Why?! You know I can’t…I’ve never been good at…”
“What are you sorry for?!” I demanded, taking a step closer to him.
I needed to hear him say he regretted kissing me so I could finally move on with my life. For twenty years I had been in aholding pattern. Holding on to a night that Adam clearly wished had never happened. I needed to hear him say it was a mistake that he wished had never happened and explain why.
“For being a selfish asshole!” he finally blurted out.
It took a second for his words to compute in my brain. I blinked at him several times.
“A selfish asshole?” I repeated. “What? Why?”
“Because I wanted you. I’d wanted you for years.”
My heart was beating so fast, faster than it ever had before. Did he just say he’d wanted me for years?
“I knew it was wrong. I knew that I was leaving and you were too young?—”
