I didn’t mention that my plan had been to sell all my belongings and move to London, not put it all in a van and have it hauled cross-country.
“And you’re sure they’re yours?” Maddox asked, not in a judgmental way, but more as a scientific query.
I nodded. “Maureen included DNA samples, and I did my own testing.” Even if I hadn’t, I remembered Jasmine, shewasn’t the type to lie about that. I just didn’t know why she never reached out and told me.
The only thing I could think of was the few conversations we’d had when I told her I never wanted kids, but things changed. Circumstances changed. I still felt like I had the right to know there were two human beings walking around that were half me. I had the right to be a part of their lives.
It was sort of pointless being upset at a dead person, especially a dead person I barely knew. We hung out for a few weeks, and we used protection.
“So who’s helping you move?” Peyton asked.
“I’m going to pick up the truck after this. It’s not that much stuff. It’s not that bad.” I lifted the to-go coffee mug. “Thanks for this. Is it okay if I grab them around four?”
“Have you slept?” Maddox asked.
“I’ll be fine.”
“The girls can stay overnight if you want. I know Hannah would love a sleepover,” Peyton offered.
“I appreciate that, but I think for the first night here it would be better if they were in their own home. It’s been a lot of change for them lately. But rain check.”
“Well, at least let us drop them off,” Peyton offered. I could see the worry in her eyes.
“Sure.” I lifted my chin to Maddox. “I’ll drop you the?—”
“It’s your dad’s place, right?”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“I remember where it is.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, you were one of the only guys that invited me to their house.”
I forgot I’d invited Maddox over to swim and also play video games a few times when I thought he was having a particularly difficult time at a foster or group home he was in.
“Kids can be assholes,” I reasoned.
“So can adults.”
I couldn’t argue with that.
“I’ll see you guys at four. Thanks again, really. Call me if there are any issues.”
“We’ll be great here.” Maddox motioned to the backyard. “They are having a ball.”
I headed out, and as I was climbing back in the SUV, I couldn’t help but get the strangest feeling I couldn’t quite name. It could be déjà vu. Or maybe nostalgia. A combo of both. Or it could be that I just hadn’t slept in days. Whatever it was, the only thing that could make any of this feel real would be seeing Billie again. She’d always been my anchor. My safe place. My home.
5
BILLIE
My first mistakewas assuming I could relax at a tween girl’s birthday party. This was basically an emotional demolition derby with cake and music. Two girls had already had breakdowns, which resulted in the need for full-blown consoling sessions. One was due to a boy liking another girl’s photo on social media, and I didn’t catch what caused the other one, but there were tears and declarations that her life was over.
I sat in the backyard surrounded by a sea of pastel decorations and preteens shrieking over TikTok choreography as they jumped on the built-in trampoline, and all I could focus on were the notes.
The whole thing felt weirdly cinematic, like I’d stumbled into the wrong genre of my own life. I was doing my best, for the sake of my family, to pretend that I wasn’t freaked out. It was actually taking a lot more effort than I’d originally thought it would. I assumed I’d be able to do what I always did and compartmentalize my feelings. In this case, it was proving to be easier said than done.
