NICK
The sun was shiningin a bright blue sky on a perfect seventy-degree day in the city. The waves crashed onto the sand, and seagulls flew through the salty sea air. Several boats were out in the distance, like floating dots in comparison to the Bay Bridge.
I looked out over the fifty or so people who had gathered together at the beach for my mom’s memorial service. As I scanned the crowd, my heart filled with gratitude for those in attendance. There were the usual suspects: Alex and Maddox were there, of course, with their significant others and kids. Mrs. G and Mr. Burke. Parker, Kurt, and Carmen. Jada, Selena, and a handful of other people who worked at Locke Media were also in attendance. Leticia from the Diner and her husband. Even Dr. Lavine was there with his wife. All four of the care nurses were in attendance, including Skye, who sat in the front row with Lola, Rihanna, Callie and Bella.
When my gaze fell on Skye, our eyes locked. The edges of her lips curled in a sympathetic, supportive grin. I didn’t know how I would have gotten through the last week and a half since Naomi passed without her. I didn’t know how any of us would have. She’d been a rock for me, Lola, Callie, and Bella. She’d gently guided us through our grief with patience, understanding, and compassion.
As our gazes held, I felt a sense of belonging that I’d never known I’d been missing. Meeting her had clicked the missing jigsaw puzzle pieces of my life into place.
Since the time I was born, I’d been on my own. I’d always felt like an outsider. It was part of the reason that I worked so hard in my career. I wanted to prove to people that I belonged in the rooms that I’d spent my life peering through the window from the outside while rain poured down on me. I was in for a rude awakening when I achieved all the success and more that I’d set out to achieve and still felt as if I didn’t belong.
Then Bella showed up on my doorstep. I’d been sure then that I’d found my life’s purpose. I finally had another human being that shared my DNA. I was sure that being her dad would give me the identity I’d been searching for so long to find. It would automatically mean that I belonged somewhere. Although being Bella’s dad is the greatest thing to ever happen in my life, it never seemed to fill that void.
It wasn’t until I walked into my kitchen and saw Skye that I truly felt I was home. And every time I looked at her, that’s exactly where I was.Home.She was my home.
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even notice Maddox had joined me until he touched my arm. “Do you want me to say something?”
“No.” I shook my head and snapped out of the internal epiphany I was experiencing, then assured him, “I’m good.”
He held my gaze, searching my eyes for a brief second before nodding and heading back to join Peyton, Hannah, and Lina.
I took my phone out of my pocket and pulled up the Notes app. I’d written down some things to say, but as I looked at the words, they felt…wrong. Impersonal. Generic. I’d spent so long hiding the truth about where I came from and who I was that I didn’t want to do that anymore. I wanted to honor my mother, and the only way I could do that was to speak the truth, my truth.
So, I put the phone away, cleared my throat, and spoke from the heart. “I grew up not knowing Naomi Locke. For the first eighteen years of my life, I didn’t even know her name, much less anything else about her. When I turned eighteen, I found out that I was born in prison while my mother was awaiting trial for fatally shooting my father.
“As an eighteen-year-old who had always dreamed that one day I’d be able to reunite with my family, that news was a lot to process. Instead of doing that—processing, I mean—I went to the prison to get some answers. Things didn’t go as I would have hoped. Naomi was overwhelmed and cut our visit short. After that day, I didn’t speak to or hear from her again for another twenty-two years.
“Then one day, I got a call from the prison telling me that my mother was dying and she was eligible for compassionate care release. My first instinct was to tell them that her condition or parole qualification had nothing to do with me and not to contact me again. Instead, I told the warden I needed some time to think about it. To be honest, I hung up from that phone call, certain that I was going to ignore the situation entirely.
“But I couldn’t. I’m going to be honest; I was scared—terrified, actually—about bringing my mom, Naomi, into mine and my daughter Bella’s lives. But the alternative was never knowing her. The alternative was to let her die in the cold, sterile wing of a prison infirmary. I knew that there was no way I could live with myself if I did that.
“So, she came to live with me, and for the first couple of months she was here, we barely spoke. Naomi and Bella formed an immediate bond. She also found friendships with her caregivers and a best friend in Lola Tayler.” I motioned to where Lola was seated beside Skye. She was dabbing her eyes with a tissue. “The two bonded over their love of wine, their granddaughters, the beach, andreally, reallybad reality TV.”
Chuckles rippled through the crowd.
“I watched my mom, Naomi, interact with everyone with kindness, warmth, and care, but I kept my distance from her. I wasted time—time that she didn’t have—being scared and maybe a little stubborn.
“My therapist and friends told me that I needed to talk to her. But it wasn’t until a very special woman who happened to be one of my mother’s carers and Lola’s daughter, Skye, told me the same thing that I knew what I had to do.
“So, about a month ago, when we were getting ready for Callie’s fifteenth birthday party, I finally asked her all the questions I’d had for all those years, and she answered them. All of them.” I swallowed the lump of emotion that had formed in my throat. “I know it wasn’t easy for her to do. And, to be honest, some of it wasn’t easy for me to hear. But for the first time in my life, I felt like I was meeting my mom. Like I saw her, not as the saint I’d built her up to be in my head when I was a kid or as the villain I’d made her out to be after I met her at eighteen. I saw her for the person that she was.”
Lifting my hand to my face, I wiped the moisture beneath my eyes with my thumb and forefinger and took a shaky breath. “I know that most of you didn’t know her, so let me tell you who Naomi Elizabeth Locke was. She was the most selfless, brave, incredible woman I’ve ever met, and I am so honored and humbled to have had those last few weeks to call her mom.” I inhaled a fortifying breath and tried not to sniff back the emotion that was overwhelming me. “I wish that her life could have been different. I wish I would have been able to save her from the horrors that she endured. I would do anything, give anything, and pay any amount of money to be able to rewrite our history or to even have more time. But that’s not how life and death work. The only comfort I have is knowing that when she passed, she was surrounded by family who loved her. She wasn’t alone, and she knew she was loved. Sheisloved.
“Her wishes were to be scattered in the bay because she loved the water so much. So that’s what I’m going to do. But first, I just want to take this moment to say thank you, Mom. Thank you for sacrificing your life to save mine. I love you and will continue to love you forever, and so will Bella and the friends you left behind. You will live forever in our hearts. I hope that whatever is after this life is filled with the peace, joy, and love that you deserved in this one but never had.” I looked over at Lola, who was crying silently. “Oh, and also wine and reality TV.”
Lola smiled through the tears that were streaming down her face. My own tears were falling now as I waded out into the water and tilted the urn. I watched as her ashes fell into the water and were swept away by the current, and said a silent farewell.
Goodbye, Mom. I love you.
