“We’ll be right over.”
“Great, Kurt’s on his way to pick you up.”
“He doesn’t have to—”
“He’s already on his way. He’ll be there soon.”
“Okay.”
“Who was that?” Lola asked.
“Jada. She said Naomi and Bella were having a bad day and asked us to come over. Kurt’s on his way to pick us up.”
The color drained from Lola’s face. I could see the fear in her eyes over losing her best friend.
“I’ll go grab my bag.”
Whenever Lola went to visit Naomi, she brought a bag with her. It was filled with books she could read if Naomi was asleep, essential oils that she defused, and a nail polish kit in case they felt like having mani-pedis.
On my way to my room to change, I knocked on the hall bathroom door.
“What?” Callie called out.
“Jada just called. Naomi’s not doing well, and Bella wants to see you.”
The door flew open, and the same fear I’d seen in Lola’s eyes was in Callie’s.
“Kurt is coming to get us.”
She nodded as she bit her lower lip.
I went to my room and pulled on jeans and a shirt. By the time I was tying my tennis shoes, my phone buzzed, alerting me that Kurt was downstairs. When I got to the front door, Callie and Lola were waiting beside it the same way they’d been the morning Kurt had picked us up to move in. But their excitement had been replaced with worry and fear.
The three of us rushed down the steps and piled into the SUV. No one spoke as we made our way across the city. Guilt overwhelmed me as we drove in silence. Over the decade I’d spent working in hospice care, these calls were commonplace for me. But this was the first time my mom and Callie were experiencing it.
I should have never moved in with Nick. I could tell myself that everything happened so fast that I hadn’t really had time to do anything else. But the truth was, I could have figured out another solution.
On the short ride over, I took a fearless inventory of my actions these past months. The truth was that Nick’s coming into my life was the first time I’d ever felt like I wasn’t responsible for everything. Even as a child, I’d felt responsible for my mom. When I got pregnant at eighteen, Tim made it clear that I was on my own. He wanted nothing to do with me or the baby.
All my life, I’d felt like I was the one to hold everything together. To figure everything out. To make sure everyone was okay and had everything they needed.
Nick showing up at Ri’s apartment was the first time I’d felt like it wasn’t all on me. It was the first time I felt like the weight of the world wasn’t on my shoulders. I felt taken care of and safe. Selfishly, I’d leaned into that. I allowed my issues to cloud my professional and personal integrity.
And now it wasn’t just me who was paying the price. It was Callie. It was my mom. The worry etched on both of their faces was like a punch in the gut. I knew that there was no way of protecting them now; they were in too deep. And I only had myself to blame for that.
When we pulled up to the house, Jada and Bella were waiting outside. As soon as Callie got out of the SUV, Bella flew into her arms. Lola and I made our way inside the house. When we got to the room, I saw that Naomi’s coloring was tinted blue. Her breathing was shallow, and her eyes were at half-mast.
Lola rushed to her side, and Gary filled me in on her condition. He’d upped her morphine and oxygen to keep her comfortable, which was all that he could do at this point. In nursing, they teach you to treat patients. Tests. Medication. Anything to treat the symptoms that patients have.
In hospice care, you learn that sometimes doing less is what is needed. Your only job is to keep a patient comfortable. To be there to support and comfort them and their family as they transition. The problem was that this time, it wasn’t just the patient’s family that would need comfort.
To say that things had gotten personal was the understatement of the century. I was scared that all of my experience and training weren’t going to be enough. Not for Lola. Not for Callie. Not for Bella. And not for Nick. I was going to fail them all. But one person I wouldn’t fail was Naomi. I wasn’t going to let my mistakes, the lines that I’d crossed, get in the way of not only what I was trained to do, but also what she deserved more than anyone.
