“Soon, huh?”
“Yep.”
I turned the corner of the street that Nonna lived on and started up the hill, then stopped.
“So do you think he’s going to call you tonight?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because he’s sitting on Nonna’s porch.”
“Damn I wish I was there with popcorn.”
I waited at the bottom of the street. Maddox’s head was cast down as he rested his forearms on his knees. I couldn’t see his face, but his body language looked defeated.
“Listen to me, chickadee,” Leo’s tone grew serious. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but it’sclearlymore than just the past. You need to talk to him.”
“I know. I am.”
“Call me later and tell me everything.”
“I will.” I disconnected the call and tears were already filling my eyes. I’d hoped this day would never come, but now I knew that it had. It was time. I had to tell Maddox the truth. Thewholetruth. And after I told him, I would tell Leo and Nonna, they were the two most important people in my life and I’d kept a secret from them. From everyone.
For a split second I thought that I might be about to experience my second panic attack of the day, but just when I was sure it was headed in that direction a strange sense of calm washed over me.
The moment that I’d been dreading, avoiding, creating my entire life to make sure didn’t happen was here. There was something oddly comforting about fearing the worst and then it happening. I wasn’t sure if this calm was a real thing, or if I was having a nervous breakdown and had completely detached from reality. But, even if that was the case, I was not mad at it.
A sense of peace and purpose settled into my bones as I walked up the steep sidewalk. I was about halfway to Nonna’s when Maddox lifted his head and saw me.
“Hi.” I smiled weakly.
He stood and wiped his hands on his jeans nervously. It was so strange to see him unsure of himself. It was a side of him I’d never seen before, and just like every other side of him was endearing andsexyas hell.
“Hi, I um, I just think we should talk.”
“Okay.” I nodded as I walked up the steps and past him. My hands weren’t even shaking as I unlocked the door and turned on the light. If this was a nervous breakdown, I would take it over a panic attack any day of the week. “Come in.”
“Where’s Nonna?” he asked.
“She’s playing cards at the Bay View Senior Center.”
“That’s the place Alex owns.”
Of course it was. San Francisco wasnota small town, but it sure as hell felt like one right now. “I’m picking her up at nine.”
I turned to face him and as soon as I looked into his eyes, the peace that I’d had just moments before evaporated like dry ice in a sauna. It was replaced by a tidal wave of anxiety.
Well, the detachment was nice while it lasted.
He must have sensed the shift in my demeanor because he lifted his hands and started speaking to me like I was a frightened animal. “Listen, I just wanted to—”
“No,” I cut him off and took a step back to try and distance myself from his potency. I knew if I let him start talking or touch me, I would lose whatever little nerve I had. “Ineed to talk toyou. I need to tell you something. Something I should have told you a long time ago.”
He stared down at me. His eyes brimmed with concern and worry and love. Seeing the care in them only made the situation more painful. My chest tightened and it felt like all of the air was sucked out of the room. The tears were back, and this wasn’t a little drip of a faucet, I felt like Niagara Falls was about to pour down my face.
Maddox took a step toward me. “You don’t need to—”
