“I did. I told her that she was my soulmate and that I’d rather have my soulmate in my life as a friend, as my best friend, as my family, than ruin it by things getting messy romantically.”
Lizzy stared at me for several beats before she said, “That is so…”
Her words trailed off, but I was pretty sure that I knew what she was going to say. Romantic. Selfless. Mature. One of those three.
“Stupid!” She swatted my arm, and it did not feel playful.
“Ow!” I rubbed my bicep; that actually stung.
“Why did you do that?!”
“Because it’s the truth. Iwouldrather be friends with my soulmate than not have her in my life.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard since the series finale of Dawson’s Creek when Pacey told Joey that she’s off the hook and doesn’t have to choose.”
I remembered binging that show with Lizzy when she was pregnant and how irate she’d been during the scene in the kitchen when Pacey tells Joey that he loves her and that’s enough for him. I’d thought it was selfless, but Joey didn’t seem to take it that way and neither did Lizzy.
“Why are you acting like those are the only two options?” she asked. “Be friends or not be in each other’s lives.”
“Because, what if we did try something and then it didn’t work out? What then? It’s not just us anymore, we have Lina to think about.”
“Lina,” Lizzy repeated slowly.
“Yes, Lina.”
“The most well-adjusted, sweet, brighttwenty-year-oldgirl who was raised by two very loving supportive people and has a foundation of security and family? That Lina? That’s who you’re worried about?”
“You know what I mean.” I took a sip of my coffee.
“Andyouknow what I mean, so don’t hide behind your daughter as an excuse because you’re being a pussy.”
I choked on my coffee. “Excuse me?”
Lizzy might not have a filter when it came to telling me how she felt but she had never resorted to name calling before.
“Sorry, but you are.” She shrugged unapologetically. “You’re scared Maddox. You’re scared to love her and be loved by her because you don’t think you can handle losing her again. But, guess what, you can. I’m sure it would be horrible and you’d be heartbroken, but that’s basically been your constant state of living for the past twenty years and you’ve survived.”
I sat, letting what Lizzy said sink in.
“I know you think what you did was so noble, so selfless, but it was actually selfish because the only person you’re protecting is you. You need to fight for her. You need to remove your head from your ass, act like you got a pair, and go tell Peyton that being best friends with your soulmate,” she mimicked my voice, “is not enough for you. You need to tell her that you want to marry her and spend the rest of your lives together.”
“Anything else?” I asked, even though I knew she’d tell me anyway.
“Yes, I love you.” Sincerity shone in her eyes. “And I’m only saying this because you need to hear it. You deserve to be happy, Maddox.”
“I am happy.”
“You know what I mean. You deserve the love, the happiness, the life that only you and Peyton can have. She’s your lobster.”
“Can you please stop mixing TV show references? It’s so confusing.”
Lizzy swatted at me again. This time, it was playful.
I knew that Lizzy was right. About everything. Peyton was my lobster. I was scared. And if I ever wanted to have the love that only Peyton and I shared, I was going to have to man up and, act like I got a pair.
48
PEYTON
