SADIE
I liketo be in control.The statement Alex made echoed in my head as my body recovered from my release.
None of the men that I’d ever been with had been particularly dominant. They were all fairly passive in bed. I’d always fantasized about being with a man who took charge. A man who knew exactly what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to take it. My heartbeat sped as the realization that my fantasies just might be coming true sank in.
I was so used to taking care of everything, in my business and personal life. It was nice having someone who wanted to be in charge. I was happy not to be driving the boat for once. Knowing that all I had to do was follow Alex’s lead was more of a turn on than I’d ever imagined it being.
But those weren’t the only words playing on repeat.
Just tonight. The agreement we’d made was on a constant loop.
I knew that I should feel satisfied, and I was. I’d just had an orgasm tied for the best of my life. Alex had given me both of the number ones. Still, in the back of my head, I knew that I wanted more than just tonight. But I also knew that was all that he could give. So, I was taking it.
As he moved up over me, he trailed kisses over my body. I was doing my best to commit every second of this experience to memory. I wanted to remember every word he said, every single touch, every kiss, the way the sheets felt beneath my back, the scent of his aftershave and soap, the sounds of our breaths. Everything.
I was concentrating on doing just that when I felt Alex freeze. His lips held mid-kiss on my torso and my eyes flew down and met his.
“What?” I asked as my mind spun thinking of any possible reason the mood had just been killed.
Had I said all the things I was trying to remember out loud. I did have a habit of saying everything I was thinking under my breath. It had started when I was a kid, being an only child was lonely and so I talked to myself. It was something I’d worked hard to stop doing, but it seemed to present itself when my guard was down. And right now, I couldn’t be more vulnerable.
He closed his eyes as he exhaled. “I don’t have any protection.”
Relief swept over me that lack of contraception and not me saying inappropriate things had been the reason Alex had pulled the e-brake.
Always the problem solver, I explained, “I’ve been on birth control since I was eighteen. And I’m…I don’t have any STDs.” I hadn’t had any action in two and half years and had two yearly physicals in that time, so I knew I was clean as a whistle.
I’d made the decision not to have sex, just for sex’s sake, or out of loneliness; I felt like this experience was the universe’s way of rewarding me. Of showing me that I was on the right path. This was what I’d always known intimacy could be like but had never actually experienced it myself.
Even if it was a Jennifer HudsonOne Night Onlyengagement.
Alex continued his assent so that he was hovering directly above me, his hips were nestled between my thighs and I could feel the pressure of his erection pressing against my intimate folds. My breath caught in my throat. I’d gotten a quick peek at the goods but feeling the impressive girth of his manhood pressing against me was an entirely different ballgame.
Feeling the weight of his body on mine was its own special aphrodisiac. I loved the sensation of being pinned beneath him, especially when he was looking at me like he was…so raw and primal. Charli was right, he looked at me like he was a lion and I was his prey. Like he was Tarzan and I was Jane. Like he was Khal Drogo and I was Khaleesi.
“Are you sure?” he rasped.
It took me a second to retrace our conversation, then I remembered what I’d just told him and nodded. “Yes, I’m sure. I haven’t had sex in over two years and have had to yearly exams sinc—”
His face softened and he grinned. “No, I meant are you sure you still want to do this. Without protection. We can stop.”
“No!” I replied with much more enthusiasm than I’d wished I had shown. As soon as I did, I wanted to pull the covers over my head and hide. Being certain was one thing, being overly eager was just desperate. I took a calming breath. “I mean, yes, I’m sure. What about you? Are you sure?”
I figured I owed him the same out. If he wasn’t ready for this, or didn’t want to do this without protection, I didn’t want him to feel obligated to keep going. Obviously, I knew thatphysicallyhe was ready. The rock-hard erection pressing against my vagina was sort of a giveaway. But there was more to sex than just the physical.
The night after the gala, he’d told me that he was unavailable mentally, emotionally and physically. Just because one of those switches had been turned from off to on, didn’t mean the other two were at the starting line ready to take off.
“I’m sure abouttonight.”
I knew that was his way of reminding me that there was not going to be an encore performance. As much as I wished things were different, I knew that this was all it was. I was agreeing to this with my eyes wide open.
“So am I,” I assured him.
I was expecting once he got the green light, it would be a pedal to the metal race to the finish line. Instead, he lowered down so that he was resting on his forearms which were framing my face and he stared at me, not directly into my eyes. His thumb brushed along my cheek and his eyes followed its path. Then it traced my jaw and he continued studying its journey. It grazed over my lips and his eyes followed. There was a heat and intensity in his stare that I felt like a physical touch. A tingling sensation was left in its wake.
I’d never been seduced before. I wasn’t even sure that was a real thing. But this was what Iimaginedseduction felt like. Like being worshipped and desired.
He lowered down and his breath collided with mine as he sucked my bottom lip between his. At the contact a moan escaped me. He applied just enough pressure to the kiss to tease me, tantalize me. His tongue slid along my lower lip, and I tried to reach it with my own, but it had retreated back into his mouth.
