24 Years Ago
“If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you want to live?” I asked the girl beside me, wanting to know everything about her.
Ashley’s copper hair shimmered in the sun as she tilted her head back. Her bright blue eyes squinted as she pointed up to the top of Telegraph Hill. “There. We are going to live there. You, me and our kids.”
“Kids?” I laughed, thinking that she was kidding.
“Yep.” She turned to look at me and when I saw the certainty in her stare goosebumps rose on my arms. She explained, “We’re going to have two kids. A son named Ashley after me and a daughter named Alexis after you.”
“Isn’t Ashley a girl’s name?”
“No.” She shook her head. “What about Ashley Hamilton and Ashley Parker Angel.”
I had no clue who those people were.
Sensing my confusion, she clarified, “Ashley Hamilton is George Hamilton’s son and Ashley Parker Angel was in the boy band O-Town.”
I continued staring blankly at her, still having no clue who those guys were.
“Don’t worry. We’ll give him a J middle name and call him AJ. As for Alexis, we’ll call her Lexi.” She leaned back against the step behind her, resting her elbows on the edge. “We’re going to have two kids and live in a penthouse.”
“We’re going to have two kids and live in a penthouse,” I repeated almost as if I was being indoctrinated into a cult.
A confident smile spread on her pixie face. “Yep.”
My lips turned up in a half-grin. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Her eyes widened. She seemed as surprised at my easy acquiescence as I’d been at her outlandish claim.
“Okay,” I confirmed.
She eyed me suspiciously. “Promise?”
In that moment if she’d have asked for the moon, I would have agreed to give it to her. Kids and a penthouse seemed like an easy request.
“Promise,” I swore.
That was the promise I’d made twenty-four years ago, and I’d kept that promise. At least partially. Lexi and I lived in that penthouse.
I blinked as I stared out over the breathtaking view lost in my memories.
The lights of the Bay Bridge were shining brightly against the backdrop of an inky predawn sky. The sunrise was still a couple of hours away. I liked this time of day.
This small window of time when the city, for the most part, was still. Quiet. Calm. It was a tiny pocket when the partygoers from the night before had gone home, and the commuters hadn’t yet crowded the streets.
It was a short reprieve from the hustle and bustle and there was a sense of calm.
No matter how much money I made, or how successful I became, I never felt calm. Or whole. Or safe. Even before my world imploded and I lost the two most important people in my life, I’d never felt those things.
Dr. Winston, a therapist I saw a few times after the accident, had a theory on why that was. It only cost a few thousand dollars to be told something I’d figured out a long time ago; my issues were attached to my childhood.
I’d always had an underlying sense of doom running through me like an electrical current just beneath the surface. I felt unsafe, unsettled, and like something bad was right around the corner. From the time I could remember I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
And it had. The worst thing had happened, and I was still standing. Not because I was strong. Only because I had no other choice. I had a little girl that depended on me and now she was all that mattered. She was what kept me getting out of bed, putting one foot in front of the other, and showing up every single day no matter how much pain there was.
I sighed as I continued through the massive family room to the kitchen where I knew that a double espresso was waiting for me. Although I was surrounded by all the luxuries money could buy, I didn’t give a shit about any of them, except one. I did enjoy having a hot shot of caffeine waiting for me when I woke up.
Before I even came around the corner, I saw light illuminating from the refrigerator. When I entered the kitchen, I saw oversized pink pig slippers sticking out from under the stainless steel door.
