“He is. He’s out in the garden. Do you want me to take you back?”
“No, it’s fine. I can manage. Thanks.”
She nodded as she buzzed me through to the back.
I walked past the community room and when I looked through the clear glass window, the memory of Sadie dancing with Mr. Harris materialized in my mind’s eye. Then the memories of our slow dances on the boat and on the roof flooded my senses.
The way her pinup curves felt pressed against me. The citrus and floral scent of her shampoo. The soft sound of her breaths and the pounding of our hearts.
Tears began to fill my eyes but I blinked them away as I shook my head and headed out to the new garden I’d had put in after realizing that a lot of the residents didn’t spend much time outdoors. As soon as I stepped outside I spotted Mr. Harris.
He was dressed sharp as a tack in a three-piece suit and black fedora. His eyes were clear, and he looked like he was having one of his lucid days.
“Well, hello there, son. How are you doing?”
“I’ve been better,” I answered honestly as I walked over to him.
“What’s the problem?” he asked as he motioned for me to sit next to him.
The second my ass hit the cushion it was like I was infused with truth serum. I don’t know what came over me, but I started talking and didn’t stop. I told him everything from the first time I saw Sadie, to asking her to move in and take care of Lexi, to me moving her out early, to me asking her to the event, to dating her, to the mugging, to our breakup.
When I finished, I felt lighter. I was sure that he was going to pat me on the shoulder and tell me that he was sorry and he understood. If anyone could, it was Mr. Harris.
He’d lost his wife, too. And his son. It was a very small club that no one ever wanted to be a part of but we were card carrying members.
I didn’t necessarily expect his sympathy, but I did anticipate his understanding.
I got neither.
He took a deep breath before saying, “Well, son, I never took you for a coward or a selfish fool.”
“A coward?”
“Yes.” He nodded.
“A selfish fool?” I wondered if maybe he was slipping back into some other world and hadn’t really comprehended what I’d said.
“If I’m not mistaken,youare still alive, right?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ve been gifted the love of one of the purest, sweetest human beings on this planet and you just throw it away because you’re scared of what will happen if you lose her? Does that make a lick of sense to you?”
When he put it like that…not really.
“I don’t want Lexi to—"
He held up his hand. “Son, don’t you dare hide behind Lexi. Let me tell you something. The world is full of pain…beautiful, heartbreaking pain. And it’s also full of love. Beautiful, heartbreaking love. You think you canprotecther from that? Even if you could, why would you want to? That little girl is going to be fine, no matter what, you want to know why? Because you raised her with a strong support system. If something happens to you, she has her Uncle Nick, and her Uncle Maddox. She has Mia. She has her Gigi. She has family and love in her life. And you know as well as I do, any one of them could be gone tomorrow. Are you gonna protect her from that love?”
I stared at him, not sure how to respond. I’d talked about all the people in my life but it shocked me to hear that he’d retained the information.
“You’re not trying to protecther. You’re trying to protectyourself. So which is it son?” He held up his forefinger. “Coward.” He lifted his middle finger to join his pointer. “Or selfish fool.”
Both. I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees as I stared down at the ground.
I felt Mr. Harris’ hand slap onto my shoulder. “Let me ask you this, do you regret marrying Ashley and having AJ?”
My head jerked up. If anyone else had asked me that question, I would have knocked them out. “No. Of course not.”
