BANKS
Nah, I like spelling them out.
RIDGE
\I’ll ask Darcy. Maybe she knows someone from class or something.
ME
Thanks, man.
AVERY
What did I miss?
What a bunch of assholes. I stare down at my phone, smiling and shaking my head. Christ, that was annoying. I click a few buttons, satisfied with my work.
Waylon has changed the group name to BUNCH OF ASSHOLES.
I put my phone down before anyone can chime in. I don’t have a lot of hope they’ll know anyone. There’s no way in hell I’ll pick anyone Banks suggests. Fuckin’ pretty boys. I have a feeling whoever Killian suggests will have the personality of a stale biscuit no matter how much gravy I bring to the roommateship. Okay, that came out wrong, and now all I’m thinking about is the savory sausage gravy my granny made on Sunday mornings when I was a boy.
Might as well start searching the message board now. Hopes are not high. Which means it’s Tater time.
I click my tongue against my teeth and pat my thigh. You can hear Tater before you ever see him. A sharp bark, nails clacking against the hardwood floor in the hallway. It’s very likely he was asleep on his side of the bed. But that’s the thing about dogs. They’ll always be there when you call.
Tater leaps onto the couch next to me, then pounces feet first right into my dick and balls. I bite my lip to avoid cussing at him. Mostly because I’ll feel worse about it than he ever will. He leans up, gives my forehead a single lick, and then settles down, his long body half on my lap.
When I went to the local dog rescue two years ago, I didn’t even know if I’d come home with a dog. I thought maybe I’d have to go a couple of times in order to findthe one. But then they showed me this mama corgi who’d just had a litter of pups. She had one little fella left—the runt of the litter. She’d even already been adopted herself, but her new owner had agreed to let her stay until he found a home.
So imagine my surprise when out from behind her pops up this little head with big ears and hesitation in his eyes. I held my palm out toward him and used my best baby voice to coax him out. He gave me three sniffs, looked up at me, barked, and then pounced at me. That little butt of his started wiggling and I was a goner. Tater came home with me that day, and we’ve been best buddies ever since.
I’m not saying there was a good reason for a single potato to have been sitting in my back seat, but I know he liked it better than the fifty bucks’ worth of toys I’d bought him after we left.I’d found him gnawing on a Russett as big as he was, and when I called him Tater, he barked his approval.
“You’re the only love I need in my life, huh, buddy?” I ask, scratching behind his ear.
He leans into my touch, tongue out and oblivious to my question.
“You know, Tater, I’m starting to think you don’t listen to me,” I say, giving the other ear attention.
Tater yawns and tucks his head low. He’s not much of a conversationalist. Another reason I need a roommate. I like talking. I like hanging out and having a good time. Living alone is annoying for me. We could get into that psychotherapy talk about what that says about me as a person, or we can just roll with it and avoid making it awkward. I choose the latter.
My phone buzzes, and even though I know it’s probably the group chat, I turn it over and look.
DARCY
I heard you’re looking for a roomie?
I know you can’t read tone in texts. The sender has a meaning and the receiver has to try to find that meaning with zero context clues. It’s a terrible system, honestly. The result being that, oftentimes, the receiver adds their own assumptions.
For example, this text from Darcy is unassuming on its face. There are no threatening exclamation points, no angry face emoji, or any shouty caps.
So why do these seven simple words sound so ominous coming from her?
CHAPTER 2
LYRIC
“Listen,I’m not saying I’m giving up on dating. I’m just saying that I don’t feel like making it a priority right now. Know what I mean?” I look down at Mrs. Chapman’s partially puttied face, the left side still drooping a little, so I grab the jar of putty from the table next to me. “And I really think this is the best thing for me to do right now. I’d like to focus on other things.” And even though she doesn’t reply, I continue on. “What things? Well, my butterfly collection, for starters. I have a few specimens ready for mounting.”
