“Sorry.” He mumbles after he bolts down the first two. “When I was little, my mom used to make these each year for my birthday, they’re one of my favorites, and the Jade Dragon has a recipe that’s very similar to hers. Sorry.” He dips another one in sweet and sour sauce before taking the whole thing in one bite.
I turn to glare at Jacks, “So, are you trying to make me uncomfortable, or is that just a bonus to whatever the fuck you’re doing to them?” Jacks at least has the wherewithal to look sheepish.
“I just need them to understand that you are the most important. You come before Gabe, or Leo, or even Xan….sorry you know I love you.” He adds the last part, leaning back in his chair and looking at this bonded mate.
“Nah, man, I get it,” Xan says, rubbing his shoulder. ”Just next time try not to give Leo an aneurysm, ok?” He kisses Jacks on the cheek and goes back to eating.
Gabe wipes his mouth and then lays his napkin beside his plate. “Ok. So I guess we’re doin' this now then?”
He looks between me and Jacks a few times. “Listen, we suck, alright. None of us can talk about emotions for shit, ok? I admit,I should have handled that better, but I think there was some confusion on who was supposed to be the best one to actually express our feelings…and then we all did a fucking lousy job.”
He pushes his chair back and starts to stand up before giving up and sitting down again, elbows on the table and head in hands.
“OK, let’s try this again. We care about you, a lot…all of us. We want to bond you and want you to be part of this pack if you want the same thing. But, we also want you to come into it fully informed that we all have problems, we’re not perfect, and it’s not just Jacks. Leo left a few parts out that don’t paint him in the best light, and I am sure you’ve probably guessed a few things from what Xan added that we are all sort of fucked up. But, we want you; we want you to stay with us. But only if you want to, and before you can make an informed decision, you needed all the information, or at least the important parts.” He trails off, his head still in his hands, staring intently at the table.
I stand up and walk over to him, draping over his back and hugging him from behind.
“Ok then, fair’s fair. You guys finish eating, and I am gonna go get cleaned up. When I get back we can talk some more.” I turn to Jacks, “Was this really necessary? Save me some of the sweet and sour chicken, and General Tso’s, unless Leo already ate it all.”
Leo looks abashed as he stares down at his plate. And I head upstairs to get a hot shower and think about how to explain thethree weeks I lost when I was nine, and how I went to live with Grandpa.
Up until I was nine, I lived with my mom and dads, two alphas and a beta. I don’t know if I ever knew which one I was biologically related to, they were all just dad. We were heading home from visiting Grandpa, he was Mom’s dad. The last one, Grandma had passed away when I was four, so I don’t remember much about her, but my Grandpas were dying out as well. It’s hard to keep a pack together after they lose their omega.
I don’t remember much. I had been playing with Mom and Grandpa and was super tired; I think I fell asleep in the car.
Arms tighten around me, mom and gray-eyed dad holding me tightly in the back seat, a loud scream and the arms squeeze so tight I can’t breathe. A flash of light and everything slams forward, a jarring pain, then nothing.
Loud beeping wakes me up, and I squint through sore eyes. I don’t know this room, with its scratchy white sheets. The air smells funny and burns my nose. My left arm burns like it is on fire, but when I reach over to touch it wires and tubes that are wrapped around my scrawny right wrist pull tight. Needles stuck in theback of my hands, taped in place. Where is everybody? I can’t see or smell Mom or Dads.
I startle fully alert, panic constricting my lungs. The door opens and finally, I see a familiar face. Grandpa, the one we were just visiting. He crosses the room on shuffling steps, he looks older than he did a couple of hours ago.
Has it only been a couple of hours?
My head hurts.
I want to go home.
Where are my parents?
“Hey, little bit, looks like you’re gonna be staying with me for a while. That ok?”
I don’t want to stay with him, I want to go home.
I stare at him, my throat too dry to offer any more reply than a frog croak. He hands me a cup of water and a straw and I take several small pulls, the cold water stinging my mouth.
“What about mom, I want to go home with them.” Grandpa’s shoulders start to shake and his head drops. A tear hits the white blanket, a startling spot on the otherwise blank white fabric.
“Yeah, little bit, they can’t come home with us. Your mom and dads are gonna go stay with Grandma.” He chokes on the last bit. “It’s just us now, but we can do this, right, girly?”
I remember vaguely that he calls Mom that sometimes. I nod limply, not sure what other response I can give. I feel like my mind is spiraling out of control and I want to shut it off, to go back to sleep.
I burstinto tears, and Grandpa finally hugs me, crying quietly along beside my braying sobs.
After several minutes, he pulls away, unsure how to comfort me further. I love Grandpa, and we visit at least once a month, but this isn’t the same. I’m still sniffling when the nurse returns. She talks quietly to him, but I don’t care to listen to what they’re saying. None of it matters, not really.
She finally makes her way over to me and tells me I’ll feel better when I wake up. She puts a needle into one of the tubes plugged into the back of my hand, and my eyes are too heavy to keep open. Everything goes black.
Six days later I’m finally out of the hospital, cast on my arm, head fine other than a big bump. Grandpa says we have to go home, which finally pulls a smile from me. I miss home.
