I nod to myself, completely zoning out on the sermon that has everyone in tears. Too focused on every detail of the building: vaulted ceilings that probably lead to the gates of heaven and a giant organ taking up the whole stage. It felt very elaborate and not anything like her. I imagine Skye having a vigil in a trampoline park or a bouncy house.
“Ben Silva will be coming up here to say a few words,” the priest says into the microphone and I feel Skye gripping my arm for dear life. I refocus my eyes on the stage.
Every sharp edge of Skye’s is rounding out as we watch Ben walk up to the podium. He is already shaky, gripping the wooden top, readily holding a piece of paper in hand.
“As many of you know, I had Skye when I was just a kid myself. She was always a positive kid. Even on the nights I was stressed coming home from work—”
His eyes apprehensively look back out to the crowd.
“I don’t think I handled a lot of moments well with her. Writing this speech, I agonized over how to describe—” He pauses. “If you knew her, you would say she brought everyone in a room together.
“When you have a kid that young, it changes you. The years you were supposed to spend selfishly figuring yourself out for the first time are mixed with raising a little human, hoping that they turn out okay. Hoping they are one of the good ones. I don’t think I ever figured it for myself, but somehow, she did. She was always so sure of herself. Never questioned any aspect of who she was and the space she occupied.
“It’s funny watching your kid become your inspiration. I wish I understood then what I know now.” His eyes are welling up with tiny tears. I can tell he wants to do everything to avoid letting them fall.
Ben looks away from the audience, facing the organ for a split second to retain his composure.
“There is so much I want to say, but I will leave it at—a luz sabe.”
His last words hang in the air as he grips even tighter to the podium, trying to steady himself, pressing two fingers to his lips to kiss them before gesturing his hand to the air.
My eyes go wide, my breath catching on the phrase he just said.
Did he just—
The phrase. The necklace. My attachment to Skye.
When I reach for her hand, she doesn’t even react. My gaze is darting back and forth between the both of them, watching them fade into their own tears.
Two more people make speeches after him, including Beth.
I want to ask Skye everything. Everything is moving so quickly and Skye is bouncing between right beside me and where Ben and Beth are seated.
After the speeches, the pastor returns to the stage to announce, “Okay, folks—please head to the courtyard behind the church to release the paper lanterns.”
A group of people stands and heads to the backdoor. Skye and I remain perfectly still, not ready to go quite yet.
“This is a family heirloom, isn’t it?” I say.
She remains tight-lipped, giving a slight nod. It doesn’t take long for her to walk quietly toward the crowd. Everything in my line of sight feels disorienting. Every memory of the last few months crashes into me.
Nothing since the fire was by chance, was it? From a distance, I hear the pastor over the loudspeaker, talking.
“Tonight, we release our regret, loss and grief for a life that left us too soon. Instead, we show her how many people here on Earth are waiting to see her again.”
The door is propped open, welcoming anyone to join. My feet walk slowly to the door, where another Bible verse is being read. When he is done, the lanterns are passed down the line. I push myself into the crowd, getting in line.
“I can’t believe she’s really gone.”
“Remember when she went cliff jumping on her seventeenth birthday?”
“Hard to believe it was an electrical fire that caused it.”
A small tear rolls down my face when I spot her bright pink crop top in the middle of the crowd again. I can feel the hurt radiating off her. She is mentally a million miles away.
The girls in front of me continues to share more memories of her, and when Ben joins the line, I can instantly sense him.
“So many people showed up,” he mumbles under his breath. I whip my head back toward him.
