Before I can finish my message, another comes.
Clara:WAS HE SHIRTLESS.
Freya:No. So much for not being dramatic!
Clara:Missed opportunity.
Freya:Focus.
Clara:Fine. What happened?
I stare at the screen. How do you summarise a near-kiss that felt like it could rearrange your entire life?
Freya:We nearly kissed.
There is a pause this time. A longer one.
Clara:Nearly? Wow Sunshine. You need to get out more. Expand…
Freya:Under the sink. He hit his head. I checked he was okay. It was… a moment.
Clara:A MOMENT. I love a moment.
Freya:Stop shouting.
Clara:WHY DID YOU NOT KISS HIM.
There it is. The question everyone else finds simple. Why didn’t you? Because it wasn’t just a kiss. Because kissing him would not be casual. It would not be a test. It would not be something you can laugh off later. Kissing Rory Bennett would mean stepping into something that could either be extraordinary or catastrophic.
Freya:Because he left and went to the city and to Miss Supermodel.
Clara:That was years ago.
Freya:That doesn’t erase it.
I pace the kitchen.
Freya:He loved me. Apparently. But he was “busy.”
Clara:He loved you? Past tense? Frey, that man still loves you. Men are idiots at twenty.
Freya:He disappeared.
Clara:He came back.
Freya:After building an entire life without me.
Clara:And now he’s here.
Freya:And what if I’m just the soft landing? The back-up plan?
Clara doesn’t respond immediately. Then:
Clara:But Sunshine, what if you’re not. What if you’re the reason he’s back. What if something good could actually come of this and you’re too scared to try.
I close my eyes. It’s not the fear of kissing him, it’s the fear of what happens after. Because if I let him in and he leaves again, I don’t just lose a crush. I lose him. Again. And this time, it would be deliberate.
Freya:He doesn’t get to almost kiss me and then act like he’s unsure.
