“I know the feeling,” Jenna whispers, nestling closer as if overcome by the same flood of regret and relief I’m feeling. “My mom drank too. When it finally killed her, it was like a heavy burden lifted. I often miss her, but I don’t miss the way she’dmake me feel. Or all the worry. Or the constant reminder that my mom had chosen a shitty bottle of vodka over me.”
“I’m so sorry, Jenna.” I press a long, sorrowful kiss to the top of her head, hoping it can ease just a fragment of her hurt. “How about your father?” I ask after a long moment of shared heavy breaths.
She draws a shuddery breath that seems to hold years and years of unresolved hurt. “Long story.”
Sensing she’s not ready to talk about it, I simply say, “I’m so sorry they both hurt you. When you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here.” I capture her head between my hands and say with all the sincerity of my heart. “I won’t ever hurt you like that. I promise.”
A grave expression tightens her features. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
I stare at her for a long moment, stunned and offended by her words. I want to refute them, say that I mean it with my whole heart, but a sliver of doubt makes me hold back. Because I can’t choose her over Killian. I pray to a god I don’t believe in that it won’t ever come to that, but he’s my son. He’ll always come first.
43
The Friendship
Jenna
Eight years old
First day after our summer break—a day full of mixed emotions. I’m sad I had to go back home after having spent most of the summer with Nan, but I’m beyond excited to see Killian again. Before the break, I asked if he’d like to come visit me before I left for Nan’s, but I was only home when he was alone with his mom, who doesn’t like me. I think it’s because I’m poor and they’re rich. Killian doesn’t care, though, and I beam when I see him come through the door at the end of the hall while I’m hanging my jacket.
I’m about to set off in a run, but then I see his dad coming in after him, and I slow my steps. Killian’s dad is scary. I’m glad he doesn’t come here more often. I consider whether I should just go inside the classroom and wait for Killian there, but I’m too eager to see him.
“How was your summer break?” I ask as they approach, glancing up at his dad nervously, afraid speaking to his son might get me in trouble. It usually doesn’t, but the worry is always there, especially knowing how his mom feels about me.
“O-o-okay,” Killian says.
I frown a little at his stutter, but most of all, it’s the embarrassed way he drops his gaze to the ground that has me worried. It’s so unlike him. Killian is always happy and confident.
“Did your mom take you to the zoo, like she’d promised?”
Killian shakes his head and reaches for his dad’s hand. “D-d-dad did.”
“Oh,” I simply say.
Killian’s dad crouches in front of him. “Go with Jenna into the classroom, okay? I need to find your teacher and have a quick word with her. I’m home all day, so if you need me, just tell her and she’ll call me. Sound good?”
I’m surprised he even knows my name. His mom always calls methat overly cheerful girl, like it’s a bad thing.
Killian nods slowly. “W-will you c-c-come get me?”
“Of course. I’ll be right here when the last class is over. Then maybe we can do something fun. Go to the park and feed the ducks?”
Killian smiles for the first time and nods again, this time faster.
His dad ruffles his hair and stands. “See you soon.”
Once he has turned his back to us, I look at Killian. “You okay?”
He just shrugs and sinks to the floor, unzipping his bag. He pulls out a teddy bear and holds it close.
“Oh, he’s so cute,” I say, kneeling beside him. “Does he have a name?”
“T-t-t…” He squeezes his eyes shut and tries again. “T-t-teddy.”
I watch him quietly for a second. Something’s wrong. Something really bad has happened. I can feel it. But instead of asking, I just smile.
“I like it. Teddy’s a great name.”
