59
The Confession
Jenna
After that night, going upstairs and letting Killian hold me, things rapidly change. Although the hurt of what Killian did hasn’t faded, I can’t resist him. Whenever he asks if he may hold me, I end up falling into his arms like a starved cat. He’ll scoop me up, carry me to the couch, and just sit with me for a long while. Sometimes, we’ll watch TV, sometimes we’ll just sit in silence. There’s not much talking between us. There’s just the reassuring comfort of touch and closeness.
On the days when I’m feeling particularly dejected, he’ll come find me in Ian’s bed, placing Ginny in front of me and crawling in behind me.
One day when we’re lying there, Ginny’s purring the only sound as we’re both petting her, I break the silence.
“Did you mean what you said—that night when I came upstairs. That you hate yourself?”
He goes still, barely breathing. I think he won’t answer or maybe even that he’ll leave, but then he says in a raspy voice, “Sometimes.”
“Why?”
“Because I hurt you. And… so many things.”
“What else?”
I feel him shrug against me. “I made Mom leave.”
The ache that spears my heart makes me shudder. “Why would you think that?”
He heaves a ragged sigh. “I don’t know. I guess I couldn’t make her love me enough to make her stay.”
Ian must have been hovering close by, as he often does, because suddenly footsteps resound through the room. Sinking to his haunches at our side, he reaches over me and grabs Killian’s jaw. “You did not make your mother leave,” he enunciates very clearly.
“Why then?” Killian asks in a broken voice. “W-why would she leave us?”
Ian’s arm blocks my view of his face, but the tension and regret rolling off him are palpable in the very air. He rubs the back of his neck. “I—” Pausing, he expels a heavy sigh. “I gave her an ultimatum. Quit drinking or leave.”
Killian sits up. “You did what?”
Ian drops his hands to his thighs. “She was spiraling—hurting you. If—”
“She wasn’t,” Killian cuts in.
“Not physically, but emotionally. And if things had kept going, I’m afraid she would have done the former too. She’s the one you got your temperament from.”
A lost expression is written deep in Killian’s features when I turn to look at him.
“I’m sorry, Jenna,” he says, squeezing my hand. “But I need some time alone.”
“It’s okay,” I assure.
“I’ll be back,” he says with urgency as if I might think he’d suddenly abandon me. Just like his mother abandoned him. Andmy father did me—then my mother too, every time she didn’t show up and when she let her addiction take her away.
But even though I have every reason to doubt Killian, I don’t. This last week and the way he’s changed—the stark vulnerability he’s suddenly showing—makes me believe. No, not just believe.Know.Killian cares deeply for me, and he’s doing the work to fix the damage he’s done. Not just that night a few weeks ago, or even the one five years ago, but every single night he has left me.
“I love you,” Ian tells Killian just as he’s about to leave. “Everything I did was to protect you. Please remember that.”
Killian simply nods, then he’s off.
After a few minutes of silence, I reach out to press my hand to Ian’s cheek. “Are you okay?”
Placing his hand above mine, he leans into my touch. “I don’t know. I thought I did right by not telling him—so he wouldn’t hate both his parents. But now I think I only did it for selfish reasons.”
