“Let me go,” Sevastyan demanded.
“No.”
Sevastyan released the chain and went to his knees, watching Ellisandre and the objects in their hands. “Why?”
Ellisandre did not answer, ignoring him in favor of sorting out leather and chains. His freedom, what little he had, was slipping through his fingers as they worked.
This was the cliff he couldn’t throw himself off. It was right here, and Ellisandre was there, prepared to toss him into the abyss.
He wasn’t ready. “Kapusta.”
“We’re not playing,” Ellisandre said softly. They set the restraints down on the coffee table beside the cheese and fruit. “No safe word. No mercy.”
Sevastyan’s chest heaved. His Deux understood. If only they did not. “Why now?”
Ellisandre folded themselves down to the floor, one knee bent, the other folded, elbow on the upright knee, watching him. “You came for something when you called me to the gates of Assyria. Yet you never spoke of it. It wasn’t to warn me of the Merchari. You had already warned Damian. Now you have to see me, and again, you still don’t speak the reason. But the moment you inadvertently admit to having friends in hell, you are ready to run.”
Sevastyan coiled. Ellisandre was hitting all the right points, had found the trail. He hadn’t even realized he’d laid the last track for them to find. “No.”
Ellisandre spun the cuffs around their fingers, standing just beyond Sevastyan’s reach, drawing out the moment. “Who, Vast? You told me everything before. Whose name can you not say now?”
He could lie. He could. He’d never lied to his Deux before. Ellisandre might believe him long enough to let him go. He could get back to the condo, pack Rei up and take him far away, stash him in a cabin in some remote place and leave him there until all this business with Gang Junseo and the directors was over. Rei might forget to eat and be a shadow of himself after so long alone, but he’d be safe. Invisible.
Or Sevastyan could resist. He could stay in the moment, hold his silence like a guilty flag, and fly it in front of Ellisandre’s face until they broke his silence and cut the truth out of his chest.
Rei was real. Rei was alive. Rei deserved light and color. Rei deserved his friends. He’d watched them so long, separated by everything, connected only by the flickering lights of a temporary screen.
Sevastyan bent his head. All he had to do was utter the words Rei is here. I need help. I need to get him out. If Ellisandre had done their work as thoroughly as he knew they would, they already know about Jun’s friendship with a missing trainee from the past. They would know Rei’s name.
But it had been too long. Maybe he could have said the words once—at a point before he started to doubt Anton. If anyone knew, even Alexi, what Rei meant to him, they would take him. They would break him. And Sevastyan had made Rei an oath with life and death dancing through them. Every breath Rei took was a weight in Sevastyan’s hand, a gift he would never be worthy of holding. If he could abandon his mission and save Rei, he would. But the Merchari would never let either of them go. Not alive. This was the only path, the one he didn’t know how to walk any longer.
He needed Ellisandre.
And yet he couldn’t bring himself to ask for the help he needed. Not in any way a sane person would recognize.
Bless the gods, Ellisandre was mad.
He lifted his face, shaking with what he was going to do. “No.”
The word came from an unwilling throat. It felt so close to betrayal—a hint thrown out to keep Ellisandre hunting.
“I see.” Ellisandre stalked closer, half circling toward the plants and the window to the side.
Sevastyan tracked them with his eyes, shaking.
“I’ve never broken you before,” Ellisandre’s voice was soft. In this moment, they looked so much like the man he’d met in Paris eleven years ago, somewhat sharper, somewhat darker. They hadn’t died yet, then. Hadn’t settled into their final form. In those days, they had fluctuated between all man and all woman, moved more by circumstance and convenience rather than preference.
Ellisandre reached out, stroking Sevastyan’s cheek. A tear splashed down his face. Ellisandre caught it in their fingers and brought it to their lips, tasting it and swallowing it down.
“You’re mine, Vast. I’m done waiting. Anything that is yours is mine. Give it up.”
Sevastyan stared into Ellisandre’s face. There had been so many excuses he’d used on this road. He would be hated. He’d lose Rei. He’d lose the hope of ever truly being owned by his goddex.
None of them were lies.
All of them were consequences he could bear for the short amount of time he’d still be breathing. If Rei were lost, Sevastyan would be right behind him. He’d wait only long enough to not die alone.
“I can’t.” He leapt off the floor, his elbow driving toward Ellisandre’s ribs. All he needed was the key. Then he’d be gone.
