“I did miss you,” I whispered, knowing he couldn’t hear me.
He was sound asleep, looking more like the boy I’d first fallen in love with than the man he was now.
I lay there awake for a while, but for once it didn’t feel like my usual insomnia. My mind was just spinning too wildly for sleep.
I was playing a dangerous game getting hooked on him again. It wasn’t like last time where I’d be able to throw myself into ambition and keep my focus on the future when I left.
My life was a mess now and the idea of setting it to rights didn’t light a fire under me. Before, I had something to prove, to myself and to the brother I failed. He hadn’t gotten to make something of his life, so I needed to make something of mine.
Nine years of reflection and therapy had helped me to see he wouldn’t have even wanted that for me. Matt never wanted me to be different than I was, and that’s why losing him had been so hard.
If he looked at my life now, he would’ve been more focused on how I’d let myself become a bougie Barbie doll for Nate’s sake instead of on the business success I had. All he ever wanted was for me to be happy without feeling like I had to change.
Zane was the only person who’d seen all of me and still wanted more. More than Matt or Ophelia or any partner had ever seen. He’d seen me at my worst and didn’t flinch. Hell, he laughed and egged me on, letting me crash against him until the storm had passed.
Years ago, I could’ve convinced myself I’d find someone like him again, but now I knew there was no one like him.
Was I going to be able to walk away this time knowing that?
34
MAIA
Now
Iwoke up in Zane’s bed, but Zane himself was nowhere to be seen. Sleeping in was a new and strange experience, and while I appreciated the languid feeling of being well rested, it was disorienting to realize he’d gotten up and left without me even stirring.
I padded through to my bedroom naked and feeling like I was doing a walk of shame, which turned me on.
On the bed in my room, I found a handwritten note with a black credit card on top.
Spend the day however you want, spendingwhatever you want. Meet me at the bar at 8.
I rolled my eyes but smiled. I really didn’t need his money, but didn’t hate the escort fantasy he was letting me relive. All it did was turn me on more.
If I was going to be walking around in a state of arousal for the rest of the day, he should be forced to suffer too.
I grabbed my phone and laid back on the bed, took an incredibly inappropriate picture, and sent it to Zane.
Me:Where I wish your tongue was…
Ellipses almost instantly appeared.
Zane:Brat
Me:First you demand I ask for what I want and then you call me a brat when I do. You can see how a girl might get confused.
I sent him another one.
This time my phone rang.
“Good morning, sunshine,” I said cheerily, mimicking the way he’d said it on the plane.
“You do realize I’m working?” He sounded gruff, but I could hear the amusement in his tone.
“Poor baby,” I purred. “It’s not the first time you’ve had to figure out how to get a boner to go down at work. I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”
“I’m going to make you pay for that,” he said, voice getting so low it was a menacing rumble.
